A Stream of Consciousness in
Manic-Fabulous Run-On Sentences
1. Because sometimes I’m really funny and I
post something and crack up over my own twizted sense of humor and then I only get like 2 “likes”, which is fine, but it makes me question if I’m
anywhere near as funny as I think I am, which I’m not, which is fine, but now I
now that because of Facebook.
2. Sometimes I’m really weird, and it’s all
good because I don’t care like to flaunt it, but sometimes people don’t
get it, which is fine because I don’t really care if people don’t get it, but I
like to post weird shit on Facebook, which is just how I do things, which is fine, but sometimes people who do matter (*cough cough* family *cough cough*)
think I’m “wacky” or somthing because they take things way to literally and
think I’m on crack or something, which I obviously am, and this sentence is
getting way too long and I’m not using punctuation properly and I don’t care,
which is fine but I’m sure someone somewhere might take that little segment
back there where I allegedly admitted to being on crack as a literal statement,
but don't because it's not real.
3. I recently wrote about how I wasn’t going to add
my boyfriend to Facebook, even though I did this past Saturday. Why? Because we
wanted to. We were like, “Let’s add each other. Why not?”, so we did, and now I
look like I’m contradicting myself, which is fine because everyone contradicts
themselves occasionally, but now everyone knows it because of Facebook. Also, my last entry was about how we shouldn't blindly hate things and then this entry is all about hate, which is fine because it's blatantly obvious that this entire entry is just a farce and that I'm really just ripping on my own neuroticism and also the quintessential neurotic mindsets of the Millennial Gen and the general Facebook REpublic.
4. This guy I used to hang out with is dating a
girl who has like… the same name as my boyfriend, which is fine, but
it’s Facebook and people can see that, and so people probably think I’m copying
or something, which is weird but that’s not really something that’s copy-able,
and I actually met him before I even knew her name, and my boyfriend
also has the same last name as my high school sweetheart, which is totally
normal because it’s a super common last name, but now everyone knows all of
this because it’s Facebook.
5. I’m like 120% sure that no one else has even
noticed or cared about any of what’s in #4 above, but now they might notice
because I’m putting it on my blog, which is linked to my Facebook, and I’ll
probably put a link to this entry on my wall too, which no one will “like” even
though 100 people will click on it, and so people will say “why does she
post links to her blog posts if no one even likes them”, which no one will ever
actually say, and even if they did I wouldn’t care, but that I will still occasionally
ponder because Facebook.
6. I love to #hashtag evrrrrthang. I think hashtags
are a great way to add comedic afterthoughts to sentences without finding a
better way to add them within the sentence or paragraph. So I use them and
overuse them, which is fine, but now everyone thinks I’m annoying because it’s Facebook,
which is fine because I don’t care if people think I’m annoying, but I
obviously do care because I’m writing about it, and I actually use them on Instagram and not so
much on Facebook, so I stretched the truth here for the sake of blogging, which
I sometimes do, which is fine, but now I just admitted to it and I don’t care
if you hate me for it because it’s not stretching the truth it’s more twisting
details for the sake of more convenient storytelling, which is more often than
not what writers do, and the fact that I like to use hashtags instead of real
sentences sometimes may deem me to be a lazy writer, which I am sometimes, but
at the same time it’s still shortening shit for the sake of more convenient
storytelling, and ain’t nobody ever got time to write evrrthang on they mind,
but I still try, even though I do it by choice because I love it and not
because anyone has ever asked me to, and I’m adding this next part so that I
don’t end this really long run on sentence with a preposition. #hastagwhore #hashtaghag
#thisonelinkstosomething #mostofmyhashtagsonbloggerlinktostuff #Sarahnotsorry #YousuckFacebook
7. Sometimes I try to get stuff done, like laundry,
or chores, or grocery shopping, or having sex, or having conversations with
real people, but
#facebook gets in the way.
#biggesttimewasterever
8. Because this…
Hey Sarah! What’s up? How have you been?
Great! I’ve been keeping busy with work. Caught up with some friends over the weekend..
Oh yea, I saw pictures on Facebook. Fun stuff! Saw your work stuff too! I love the new
logo.
Oh… well I guess that’s covered then. How have you been?
Doing well. Got
a new job. Just rescued a dog too.
Oh yea I saw pics of your new dog. So cute! Foothillls is a great
shelter for rescues. Congrats on the new job! Westword.com says Denver Post is a
great place to work.
Oh…well I guess
that’s covered…
9. Facebook stalking is stupid on 6,999,999,998
different levels for literally everyone involved, but we all do it, which is
fine, wait no it’s not, why do people do this, I do it too sometimes, which is
stoopid #notokay #noteven #icant
#icanteven #myexisacrybaby
10. I don’t want to read about your problems unless
I really do care about you on an emotional level, which I only do with like 25 people, but that’s not me being selfish it’s just human nature that we are
incapable of empathizing with more than a few dozen people in our lives
simultaneously, but since we all have like 6,999,999,998 Facebook friends we’re
supposed to pretend like we truly care about all of their problems, which would
be nice but it’s just not reasonable, so we sympathize with them, which is like
empathy but fake, so it’s pointless, and we don’t know what to say so we give
advice that does not apply to them, and instead we just make them mad because
it’s obvious that we have no idea what
they are going through, so we ignore their problems instead until they think
we’re being coldhearted and mean, which we’re not we just have better stuff to
do than pretend we care, which we’d like to care but we already care about 24
other people’s problems at one time so we just can’t, we can’t even, so we just
move on with our lives until we have a problem. And by then god damnit
everybody better care about my problem! Why doesn’t anyone care about my
problem!? Why is everyone just carrying on with their own lives when I have a
totally important crisis happening!?
#payattentiontome #mememe
#myproblemsarebetter
#lookatme #tittystickers
Bonus!! 11. The thing I hate most about Facebook
is that I’ll probably go on it directly after posting this…
#becauseFacebook
