Why Girls Are Mean to Mean Girls (a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy)

When I started Sarah/Not Sorry, I chose the tagline “Words of Whatnot for the Every Girl”, but lately I feel like I’ve abandon that mentality a bit.

I’m never been here to write about make-up or how I control my curl (you can visit the kickass ladies @ Jenna Marbles or Daily Curlz for that stuff) but I’d like to try and curb my focus back to a written illustration of the female inner monologue. Well, for today I will at least. To be honest, I'm probably going to start swaying back to the weird shit again next Thursday. 
(side note: When people start a sentence with "to be honest" they're usually being deceptive. Which is it? Stay tuned to find out... or don't... whatev')

That being said, I’m also PMSing a bit this week and so I’m a tad bit negative, so I’ve decided to write about something bitchy this week that… every girl… can relate to.

Why Girls are Mean to Mean Girls

a self-fulfilling prophecy

See… I have this “friend”. Let’s call her Hazel. Hazel and I have been “friends” (off and on) for years, and it's mostly always at the discretion of when it’s been convenient for her. See, I’d love to cut her out of my circle altogether, but we have a bazillion mutual friends so cutting her off would be next to impossible.

It’s not that Hazel and I don't have fun together. Hell, I’ve had some of the best days of my life with Hazel at my side! However, the girl has time and time again given me the cold shoulder at a moment’s notice with or without reason, only to come crawling back and begging for attention as soon as she runs everyone else ragged with her whining and complaining and comparing herself to everyone else and… augh, just go away!

And so I tolerate the woman, but as far as being “friends” with her… ha HAH--- nuh-uh, never again. I mean, don’t get me wrong… the next time I see her somewhere (which will probably be soon because Denver is about as close-knit as a Gryffindor scarf) I’ll probably run up to her and give her a big hug. Unless, of course, she happens to read this in the meantime in which case I'll happily let her steer clear of me.

Hey Hazel! How have you been? How was your Christmas?

Oh, it was good! I went to Florida with Kurt!

Oh no way! That’s great. You guys are back on again?

Yea… we got back together right after Halloween.

Nice! So that’s like… right after the last time I saw you.

Ahhh… no wonder she disappeared. Bad friends always put their misters before their sisters.

A bit off subject here but this GIF was too good to pass up. #truth #hint #takenotes
I turned down a friend's ex last month for this very reason

Do I even care if she ends up hating me for any reason either anymore? No. The girl has screwed me over before making me look like the "bad guy" in the matter so many times that at this point there's no reason to even try and keep her at arm's length.

I used to feel contempt for the girl, but after three and a half years of her shit talking behind my and behind everyone else’s backs, putting up with her constantly alternating between blowing up my phone and ignoring my texts, and listening to the following inner monologue over and over again (transcribed below in orange)… I’ve finally decided that Hazel makes a better writing subject than she’s ever been as a friend.

“Why does everyone hate me, Sarah? I’m a good person. I don’t complain. I’m really level headed and easy going. Why does everyone like Sam? She’s like...a boy! She acts like a guy and then wonders why she doesn't have any female friends. And she hates babies! She doesn’t even know how to hold a baby! I’ve been holding babies since I was like… six years old. The only reason she’s friends with me is to get closer to Jon. Jon and I are like…best friends! Jon and I used to used to work together and she knows that. He doesn’t even like her, Sarah. No one likes her! She just wants to fuck Jon and that’s the only reason she wants to hang out with me! She doesn’t even like me! Why does everyone like her? She can’t even cook!
Oh my God, Kurt just texted me! He wants to see me! I gotta go. Byez!”

Bye Felicia! I’ll make sure to ignore your texts the next time your boyfriend dumps you...



Was your Facebook post about me!?
Well it wasn't supposed to be, but if the boot fits.

Tuesday Extra; The Key of She

For this Thursday I've chosen to post a short story I've been working on for the past few months. The story is written in a style I like to call The Key of She.
For today, I'd like to explain (or rather to disclaim) what the Key of She is all about for those who aren't familiar with it.







The Key of She is a style of writing I use when I am being intentionally: (obtuse, over-dramatic, irrational, off-color, delusional, neurotic, ironic, or facetious). I do this for one or more of many reasons:
-stress relief
-entertainment
-because it's fun
-because it's funny
-because it sounds cool
-to try and figure out how I actually feel about something
-to try and explain something I do not understand
-to blow something out of proportion so I can more easily accept it
-because I want to
-because it's my fucking blog and I can do that
-because writers do that

The Key of She can also be any one (or more than one) of the following:
-Something entirely fictional told in a fucked up way
-Something entirely true told in a fucked up way
-Something sort of true told in a fucked up way
-A merging of fantasy and reality told in either a fucked up way or a really cool and fun whimsical way
-An abstract idea I have put into words
-Me being an asshole in word form for the sake of being an asshole in word form
-Something that doesn't make sense for the sake of not making sense, which I wish I could do half as well as well as the late, great Saint Silverstein... Eh-ehm... Shel Silverstein. He was never sainted. <this portion is 2.7% plagiarized from New Girl
-Whatever else I decide belongs in the Key of She



-The Key of She 2015

164 Square Feet of Sugar-Coated Chaos

The idea of the Tiny House is great and all. 

Aww look at it. It's so cute!

Cool! I'd love to eat there!

I want one!

I can't even handle this level of adorbs and awesomesauce!

"The whole thing costs $4000"

"Property taxes are $12 a year!"

"Its carbon footprint is smaller than a Toyota Pruis’s!"

"You’ll always keep it clean or else you won’t have room to walk."

And yes, I agree that in theory, the whole thing is just… fucking fantastic… These homes look way awesome. They're just too cool for words. However, I thought about this, and here is why I could never NEVER EVER live in a Tiny House…

Simplicity = Tranquility?
Call me a pitbull in a China Shop, but 4-5 days a week 7-8 days a week… I like to come in from wherever I've been, throw my crap on the coffee table, put on some old skool Blink 182, make myself a cup of tea, and dance like an idiot with an actual pitbull in my living room.
If I did this in a Tiny House… I’d break it. Fuck Tranquility. I find stress management in becoming a one woman mosh-pit.

I made this. You may share it if you like.

♥ Cozy and romantic on cold nights ♥

I’m single at the moment, but in the event that I was in a committed relationship, I would likely end up living with the person at some point down the line. Although, I don’t care how crazy I am about someone, I will never want to spend all my home time in the same room as him!
Omg… GO AWAY! Go make something. I'm writing, stop talking to me. Stop looking at me. You smell. Go wash your stanky ass in the 1 square meter shower-toilet room! GO DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE FOR YOURSELF OR FOR SOCIETY! Augh!!
Cozy and romantic is one thing… but this is real life.

So efficient! Everything has a place.
Yup. So does all the crap in my 500 square foot garage.
I'm sorry... that sounds bitchy and insensitive. Wait... no I'm not. 

But it's so easy to keep organized!

Everything is easy to keep organized... while it's still organized. I organized my closet from top to bottom last weekend. It was perfect. I thought to myself "There's no way I'll ever let it get as messy as it was before. This is simple, mindless, organization. A 2 year old could keep this clean now."

My closet today. This is pretty much exactly how it looked before I organized it 11 days ago. I shudder to think how my tiny house would look.

You’ll want to go outside more often.
I like to be outside. Outside is my favorite place in the world. You know what else I like?
•Not being outside when it’s snowing balls and -1°F outside.
•Sitting on my ass and eating copious amounts of junk food spread out on my double-decker coffee table when I'm ragging and I hate everyone. Leaving my junk food mess until the next morning.
•Making a huge happy mess in my spacious kitchen when I have house guests in town who want to go hiking and I decide to make them bacon, eggs, sweet potato hash with green peppers, red peppers, yellow peppers, orange peppers, and ham, chocolate chip banana walnut breakfast bread, fresh squeezed OJ, hot tea, coffee, and ice cold Brita water. This is all BEFORE we head to the mountains to engage in fantastical outdoor adventures. No one in history has ever had a fun filled day of wilderness adventures without a good breakfast. Everyone knows that.

Aww, but look how cute it is!
Those guys are as big as their house...

Happy New Year, Sleepy Slacker!

Well, I was planning on doing a New Years Resolution post, but my schedule has been jam packed this week and I've also been sleeping a lot. I haven't prepared an entry for today, but considering that two of my resolutions are...

1. To focus on what's important at any given point in time and not always feel so guilty about letting certain things slide occasionally. Life happens. Task at hand. *Relax* and be flawed.

2. Get more sleep.

... I'd say I'm off to a good start!

I wish I could take credit for this epic typo, but I stole this from Google Images as-is. Hahahaha!