Blogger Hiatus FTW!

THANK YOU to everyone who reads this. Seriously... whoever you all are, THANK YOU THANK YOU! You like me! You really like me!

It's hugely encouraging to have fans, even though I still have little idea of most of you are or why you guys like the 2015, The Year that Forgot What Year it is post so much...

For the next few months, I will be focusing on the final edit of my upcoming novel, Basketcase, a Classic Tale in Reverse which is set to be released on Amazon as paperback and Ebook in January of 2016. 

I will most likely not be posting blogs during this time. Please check back early next year for more Words of Whatnot. There's sure to be plenty of it brewing in my chaotic jumble of a mindpit until then and it'll be dying to bust out once I start up again. ;)

Life, the Universe, and the Pursuit of Happiness,

Sarah

We Were the High School Alt Couple

Has anyone seen this commercial going around about the High-School-“It”-Couple”?

Yea it’s dumb as shit. It annoyed the hell out of me, and not because the couple is “annoyingly cute” or anything. What I don’t like is the generalization that the nerdy girl would follow them around and fawn over them. Who does that?

It got me thinking about my high school days. Did I ever care about who the popular kids were? Did I even know which cheerleader was dating which football player? Eh… no…

Did I envy the prom queen’s crown? Eh… I don’t even remember who the prom queen was…

Were any of my friends ever jealous when “Samantha” got asked out by “the hottest boy in school”? 

No… we didn’t even have a “hottest boy in school”.

It was more like...

“Nicole likes Jason and Jason likes Nicole but not that Nicole a different Nicole and I don’t even know why anyone even thinks Jason is cute because Rob is way hotter and he likes Nicole but not that Nicole a different Nicole but she likes Josh who used to be super weird but he got way cool over the summer and now everyone likes him but he only likes Nicole but She Likes Todd!”

It was high school… there were no “it” couples. We don’t live in a 1960s teen comedy, Verizon!

Then I got to over-thinking (because I tend to do that) that if there was one couple who I’d have considered the “it couple” at my high school, who was it? Who did my friends look to as the “quintessential display of teenage romance”? Who did my friends go to for dating advice? Who did everyone just assume would be together forever?

I concluded that (at least in my circle of friends at the time)… and as strange is this for me to admit… the answer was… me. My high school relationship was considered the epitome if coveted teenage love…

Were we happy? Yes. Were we in love? Yes. Did we fight in the halls and then make up publicly an hour later? Yes. Were we hot? Sure.

Were we popular, though, like the kids in the commercial are supposed to be? By what definition? What does that word actually even mean?

Were we in Varsity Club or on the yearbook committee or did we shop at Aeropostale or— no stop… no… why does any of that crap have anything to do with anything?

What does “popular” mean? What defines it? I didn’t feel like we were popular at all at the time, but looking back it would seem that we were.

We had a big circle of friends. We got invited to a lot of parties. We knew people who’d get us into shows. My little Toyota Corolla was ALWAYS filled to the brim with people who wanted to “go with us”.

But…I was a 16 year old pop punk princess rocking Jncos and a No Doubt tank top. The white laces in Airwalks were replaced with one green lace and one pink one. I played a bright red Telecaster in an all-girl band called Post Male Sanity (check the initials… biotch!)

My boyfriend at the time? Well, the tall, rugged metal head in the beat up pair of Converse and the Megadeath t-shirt, of course!

Were we happy? Yes. Were we in love? Yes. Did we fight in the halls and then make up publicly an hour later? Yes. Were we hot? Sure.

Did I curl into the fetal position and cry for 6 months when he had to move away a year and a half later?

Um...no...

I was very very sad for like a week until I woke up one day and realized I had sprouted boobs. I was a 17 year old hot little piece of ass and I was single. The world was my literally my burrito (that sounds weird... note to self remove the word "literally")

Well… shit….

So what am I saying with all this? Not much actually. It’s just a really long and cooler way to explain and over-explain that the ideal society wants us to look up to is bunk. And that YOU (no matter who you are) are probably a lot cooler than you think. It’s all about #perspective. ;)

Why We Poke Shit at Disney

We’ve all seen the media's take on our once beloved tales...

http://hellogiggles.com/heres-disney-princesses-look-like-wore-realistic-makeup/

https://youtu.be/eT2R3E7vDUc 

https://youtu.be/ct-CdyT4HkM

http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/20/arts/banksy-dismaland-art-exhibition/

https://youtu.be/diU70KshcjA

Do you laugh at this? Does it make you angry? Can you commiserate? Can you relate to any of it?

Are we roasting Disney or Burning it? Why do we hate it so much? Or do we…?

Has anyone else questioned any of this?

I have, and I think I know the answer!

Storytime!

About a year ago, after many months and countless hours of pouring my innermost frustrations into the keyboard of my computer and clawing and prying into my brain in a desperate attempt to turn my jungle of conflicting paradoxical thoughts into something relatable and interesting, I wrote a single paragraph on a small sheet of paper and I left it be. The paper read…

The paragraph sounds a bit like a less-than-happy fairy tale, a theme I had been playing with quite a bit in the months past. I didn’t really see much potential in it right away.

I was standing in the shower later that day when it hit me. Not only HAD I written a fairy tale, but it was a fairy tale that already existed as a very well-known classic. More specifically, a Disney movie, only I had written it in REVERSE! *gasp*

Denver, we have a novel! 

But I digress. I’ll drop the shameless self-promotion for now and <NOT> plug my book just yet to focus in the subject at hand. 

Why did I do write the synopsis to a Disney movie that day and why did I write in in reverse? Did I do it on purpose? What does it mean?

It’s a known fact that artists of all kinds create from what they know. Painters, sculptors, writers, photographers, musicians, etc… ALL of us create from what is familiar. What we love or hate, enjoy or despise, memories or dreams, aspirations or regrets. Whatever makes us feel STRONGLY.

So why Disney?

Keep in mind that the generation that has the most influence in the media scene right now is part of the tail end of Generation X to the beginning of the Millennial Generation. We were the first generation to grow up with VHS and the first to have the capability to binge watch videos 7000 times.

And what videos did we have? Eh... mostly just Disney videos in those fabulous puffy cases.

We’d watch this crap after school, at our friend’s houses on the weekends, and with our siblings whenever it was too cold to play outside. Each sick day home from school was spent watching 101 Dalmatians followed by The Little Mermaid and then maybe some DuckTales on regular TV if we weren’t passed out by then. 

We had toys, books, dolls, cassette tapes, and stuffed animals modeled after our favorite Disney Characters. We cuddled with Simba and made Ariel fight with Barbie. We LOVED this shit!

So why do we pick on it now? Why do we poke shit at Disney? 

What did Disney ever do to us besides entertain us and lull us to sleep with the everfamous sound of...

Seriously though, if you've never played this clip for a room full of 4 year olds I highly recommend it. It's like a dog whistle for toddlers. Stand to attention, please! 

Exciting our tiny minds and sparking our interests while occasionally providing us with ill informed messages like "be pretty so a man will love you don't forget to change everything about yourself for him. Oh, and don't write out any kind of explanation to him because men don't like it when girls are smart...even though you are clearly able and literate as you so beautifully demonstrated while signing that contract when the evil sea witch took your voice..."

So....do we secretly still love this Disney crap and are in denial? Are we just looking for a more mature and creative way to relive our childhoods? Do we finally see the gaps and inconsistencies and terrible messages some of these movies put forth?

The answer is… ALL OF THE ABOVE. The psychological explanations behind the Alternative Disney ReCraze are not entirely important. The fact is that we KNOW it, we once LOVED it, and whether or not any of the themes and ideas in Disney movies transfer to any aspect of everyday adult life, there’s no denying that we can RELATE to it.

So whether you love or hate the fact that the entertainment world can so easily and enjoyably rip apart, diss, recreate, overanalyze, or psychoanalyze the beloved works of Walt Disney, it’s really all just good nostalgic fun, so sit back and ENJOY a slice of your childhood as it’s shown to you in a completely new and fucked up manner…. Because it’s awesome and you know it!

Blogger Hiatus IV; a new Focus

Dear You,

I am on a Blogger Hiatus until further notice. My writing efforts are being focused towards a much bigger project. 😎

Life, The Universe, and the Pusuit of Happiness,

Sarah 😈

Blind Positivity; "Excuses" for Why I'm Back on Track

Priorities change. In an ordinary world, priorities are focused on things like…

Working to Live

Paying Bills on time

Hobbies/Recreation

Family and friends

Dating/Marriage

Keeping house

Striving in the general direction of Luxury

Although for many who fall on hard times (weather socially, emotionally, financially, occupationally, or whateverally…) priorities can go elsewhere.

That’s what happened to me two years ago. My life was already in shambles as it was and I was trying my absolute hardest to keep it together regardless.

Until…

Hold up. Here’s what happened…

This is the story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down. Just let me take a second, just sit right there. I’ll tell you how it all went down… 
...you know what? I don’t care…

Seriously though, just take my word for it. Shit hit the fan, Man.

Before I knew it, I didn’t have the time and patience for anything. I let a lot of stuff slip for a long time. I didn’t have any other choice.

So over time as I’m able to get through all the mess and get past the torture, I’ve started to see things a little lot differently.

Instead of making excuses why I can’t do things, I'm learning to make excuses why I can.  Instead of making excuses for my negative actions, I make excuses for my positive actions.

Why? Because I want to, and because I can, and because there’s not a damn thing wrong blind positivity as long as I'm using it at my own accord. 

It’s so easy! I highly recommend. It’s just like making excuses… only for cool things instead of not-cool things.

 

Maybe it’s because of the nice weather we’ve been having, but I’m back on track with my cardio.

Maybe it’s because I finished fixing some broken-life crap last month, but I’m back on track with fixing fun stuff like my guitar and my bike.

Maybe it’s because of my awesome new haircut (big thanks to Bestie J-Rock), but I’m back on track with trying to look cute.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been subscribing to food bloggers on Instagram, but I’m back on track with my health and nutrition.  

Maybe it’s all the fresh air and cardio going to my head, but I’m back on track with writing my novel.

Maybe it’s because I can leave the windows open, but I’m back on track with keeping my house clean.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been so social lately, but I’m back on track with my sleep.

Maybe it’s because I’ve had so many positive things to keep me busy, but I’m back on track with my controlling my temper.

Maybe it’s because I’ve finally realized that it’s okay to feel sad sometimes, but I’m back on track with my emotions.

Maybe it’s because I’m back on track with so much else, but I’m back on track with moving forward too. 

10 Things I Hate About Facebook; A Stream of Consciousness in Manic-Fabulous Run-On Sentences

A Stream of Consciousness in 

Manic-Fabulous Run-On Sentences

       1. Because sometimes I’m really funny and I post something and crack up over my own twizted sense of humor and then I only get like 2 “likes”, which is fine, but it makes me question if I’m anywhere near as funny as I think I am, which I’m not, which is fine, but now I now that because of Facebook.

    2. Sometimes I’m really weird, and it’s all good because I don’t care like to flaunt it, but sometimes people don’t get it, which is fine because I don’t really care if people don’t get it, but I like to post weird shit on Facebook, which is just how I do things, which is fine, but sometimes people who do matter (*cough cough* family *cough cough*) think I’m “wacky” or somthing because they take things way to literally and think I’m on crack or something, which I obviously am, and this sentence is getting way too long and I’m not using punctuation properly and I don’t care, which is fine but I’m sure someone somewhere might take that little segment back there where I allegedly admitted to being on crack as a literal statement, but don't because it's not real.

       3. I recently wrote about how I wasn’t going to add my boyfriend to Facebook, even though I did this past Saturday. Why? Because we wanted to. We were like, “Let’s add each other. Why not?”, so we did, and now I look like I’m contradicting myself, which is fine because everyone contradicts themselves occasionally, but now everyone knows it because of Facebook. Also, my last entry was about how we shouldn't blindly hate things and then this entry is all about hate, which is fine because it's blatantly obvious that this entire entry is just a farce and that I'm really just ripping on my own neuroticism and also the quintessential neurotic mindsets of the Millennial Gen and the general Facebook REpublic.

       4. This guy I used to hang out with is dating a girl who has like… the same name as my boyfriend, which is fine, but it’s Facebook and people can see that, and so people probably think I’m copying or something, which is weird but that’s not really something that’s copy-able, and I actually met him before I even knew her name, and my boyfriend also has the same last name as my high school sweetheart, which is totally normal because it’s a super common last name, but now everyone knows all of this because it’s Facebook.

     5.  I’m like 120% sure that no one else has even noticed or cared about any of what’s in #4 above, but now they might notice because I’m putting it on my blog, which is linked to my Facebook, and I’ll probably put a link to this entry on my wall too, which no one will “like” even though 100 people will click on it, and so people will say “why does she post links to her blog posts if no one even likes them”, which no one will ever actually say, and even if they did I wouldn’t care, but that I will still occasionally ponder because Facebook.

    6.   I love to #hashtag evrrrrthang. I think hashtags are a great way to add comedic afterthoughts to sentences without finding a better way to add them within the sentence or paragraph. So I use them and overuse them, which is fine, but now everyone thinks I’m annoying because it’s Facebook, which is fine because I don’t care if people think I’m annoying, but I obviously do care because I’m writing about it, and I  actually use them on Instagram and not so much on Facebook, so I stretched the truth here for the sake of blogging, which I sometimes do, which is fine, but now I just admitted to it and I don’t care if you hate me for it because it’s not stretching the truth it’s more twisting details for the sake of more convenient storytelling, which is more often than not what writers do, and the fact that I like to use hashtags instead of real sentences sometimes may deem me to be a lazy writer, which I am sometimes, but at the same time it’s still shortening shit for the sake of more convenient storytelling, and ain’t nobody ever got time to write evrrthang on they mind, but I still try, even though I do it by choice because I love it and not because anyone has ever asked me to, and I’m adding this next part so that I don’t end this really long run on sentence with a preposition. #hastagwhore #hashtaghag #thisonelinkstosomething #mostofmyhashtagsonbloggerlinktostuff #Sarahnotsorry #YousuckFacebook 

       7. Sometimes I try to get stuff done, like laundry, or chores, or grocery shopping, or having sex, or having conversations with real people, but #facebook gets in the way. #biggesttimewasterever

      8. Because this…

Hey Sarah! What’s up? How have you been?

Great! I’ve been keeping busy with work. Caught up with some friends over the weekend..

Oh yea, I saw pictures on Facebook. Fun stuff! Saw your work stuff too! I love the new logo.

Oh… well I guess that’s covered then. How have you been?

Doing well. Got a new job. Just rescued a dog too.

Oh yea I saw pics of your new dog. So cute! Foothillls is a great shelter for rescues.  Congrats on the new job! Westword.com says Denver Post is a great place to work.

Oh…well I guess that’s covered…

       9. Facebook stalking is stupid on 6,999,999,998 different levels for literally everyone involved, but we all do it, which is fine, wait no it’s not, why do people do this, I do it too sometimes, which is stoopid #notokay #noteven #icant #icanteven #myexisacrybaby

      10.  I don’t want to read about your problems unless I really do care about you on an emotional level, which I only do with like 25 people, but that’s not me being selfish it’s just human nature that we are incapable of empathizing with more than a few dozen people in our lives simultaneously, but since we all have like 6,999,999,998 Facebook friends we’re supposed to pretend like we truly care about all of their problems, which would be nice but it’s just not reasonable, so we sympathize with them, which is like empathy but fake, so it’s pointless, and we don’t know what to say so we give advice that does not apply to them, and instead we just make them mad because it’s obvious that we have no  idea what they are going through, so we ignore their problems instead until they think we’re being coldhearted and mean, which we’re not we just have better stuff to do than pretend we care, which we’d like to care but we already care about 24 other people’s problems at one time so we just can’t, we can’t even, so we just move on with our lives until we have a problem. And by then god damnit everybody better care about my problem! Why doesn’t anyone care about my problem!? Why is everyone just carrying on with their own lives when I have a totally important crisis happening!? #payattentiontome #mememe #myproblemsarebetter #lookatme #tittystickers 

      Bonus!! 11.   The thing I hate most about Facebook is that I’ll probably go on it directly after posting this… #becauseFacebook

Cathartic Snowstorms; a somewhat relatable journey in chaotic meter

I like to pretend I'm a gifted poet... (or maybe I'm just being bigheaded again...)

For the following poem, however, I chose to use an inconsistent meter and mismatched rhyme scheme to help illustrate the chaotic nature of the story within.

"The most important rule in writing is to break every rule"
-I think I made up this quote but I'm pretty sure it's been said a fajillion times before...

Cathartic Snowstorms

a somewhat relatable journey in chaotic meter

It was awhile ago that a pile of crap

Made it into my life and consumed me.
I had no choice but to sort it out,
Even though all the odds seemed against me.

Someone who had been close to me
Had created the pile of crap.
And even though that person was gone
Underneath it was where I was trapped.

It sucked. It hurt. It felt like hell.
I convinced myself not to dwell
The trouble I found was not my own doing.
And therefore I thought it would fix itself.

I soon found out that wasn’t the case.
The trouble that found me was my own to face.
It was growing and molding and out of control,
Manifesting itself all over the place.

I was angry, and sad, and out of control.
My efforts were falling into a black hole.
I lost the will to want to try.
The desire to move forward escaped my soul.

And then the other stuff came out,
The bad stuff I told myself to forget.
It all came out as a scream and a shout,
And no one wanted to listen.

And so I let myself fall too.
Into the black hole went my soul of my shoe,
And the soul of my heart and the soul of my mind,
My desire to care went down there too.

Then one day I thought to myself,
I really don’t like this pile of crap.
I wanted it gone, no matter the cost.
It wouldn’t be easy, but I couldn’t stay trapped.

And so on and so on,
I hit the ground running.
I tackled the mess,
Until it almost seemed funny

And then just a few days ago,
At the Bottom of the 9^th
I finished the game,
and I fixed my life.

Did I win? Did I gain?
Did I hit a home run?
Not at all, I just fixed it
Well wasn’t that fun…

I never wanted revenge,

Or to take anyone down.
I just wanted me again,
*And that’s what I’ve found*



Are you in a pickle? Do you feel stuck? Does everything around you just plain suck? 
Has your world become a terrible episode of Looney Tunes? Roger Rabbit? Batman? Daria? Do you feel like no one understands you in this Sick Sad World?

Click here for some musical encouragement by Jimmy Eat World. 
This song has helped to lift my spirits during some pretty trying times. 

It just takes some time. 
Everything will be just fine.

Don't write yourself off yet.
Do your best. Do everything you can.

Don't you worry what their bitter hearts are gonna say.
Live right now. Just be yourself.
It just takes some time. Everything will be just fine. 

2015, the Year That Forgot What Year it Is

May I have your attention please...This post is really weird and was written mostly by my sleep deprived brain this week. If it reads like an anime fan fiction, please be advised that I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Wait… Zoom in on the date on that cheesy looking fake front page paper!

2015? February!?

I’ll let ya’ll in on a secret… I’m from Chicago and a White Sox fan… but I’m secretly/not secretly rooting for the Cubs to win the World Series this year (if you don’t understand this joke then you’re not my friend anymore...)
What the fuck is she talking about!?

Ok ok ok, back to reality. Whoop, there goes gravity.
Shut up, Sarah. Keep yourself together.

Yea okee, that was fun. Now that I have your attention. May I have your attention please! Will the real Nutty Brewnette please stand up!

Seriously, will the real Sarah Brewnette please shut up!

No!

Ok wow… So where was I going before my mind so cleverly escaped me there. Oh yea… 2015… gas is cheap, Missy Elliot, Back to Future jokes, weird weather… yada yada yada. 2015 has just barely begun and has already earned the nickname “The Year that Forgot What Year it is”.

Let’s forget for a second (but not forget at all) that our excessive use and dependence on electronics, burnt petroleum, and aerosols are eating a hole in our ozone layer and melting our icebergs, raising our sea levels, and ultimately leading to June weather in February.

Let’s <not> forget all of that and pretend that my Phenomenon of Misplaced Time is real.

Please just let go for a bit and bear with me on this fantasy. Welcome to my mind, where I make bad things cool by making them into weird stories. My creative inspiration is driven purely by frustration.

If my 2015 Theory of Misplaced Time was actually true, this type of phenomenon could potentially yield terrifying results. On the other hand, this misplaced chain of events is awesome!

It seems like pieces of history are being pulled forward to create the perfect year! But what does it all mean?

I’ve been hearing a lot of complaining lately about our gadgets are too distracting and intrusive. I know I struggle between being addicted to my phone and computer and wanting to run away from them.

I’ve also noticed (and maybe it’s only because I live in Colorado) that the general public seems to be more excited than ever about being outdoors and away from the TV, making things from scratch, crafting, cooking, creating, and homesteading.

Yes, Homesteading? In case no one’s noticed, we’ve relearned the art of coming together and enjoying each other’s company while creating things that are actually useful in our homes.

Baking, cooking, knitting, sewing, crafting, canning, woodworking, refurbishing, gardening, etc…

The rebirth of homesteading could be a direct result of the poor economy. It’s only natural that we learned to make the best of a bad situation by saving money in the form of recreation and comradery. It’s the human way.

However, now that the economy is back on the rise, our re-found love of homesteading seems to remain as “the cool thing to do”. What does it all mean?

To add yet another layer to my Theory of Misplaced Time, it’s become common knowledge by now that there is TOO MUCH CRAP in our food. Too much crap we don’t need and too much crap that is doing us more harm than good. We are pushing for less. Less food, less chemicals, fewer ingredients, less processing, less sugar, less caffeine, less less less! We want our food (even our packaged food as pictured below) to be simpler.

The future of a society can be seen through the food we eat, so what does it mean that we now want less?

It seems as if less really is more nowadays. 

Less! 

Less!

Less!

Does this mean we are becoming more simple minded? No. Quite the contrary actually. 

We want less because we realize we need less. The bad economy did us a solid by helping us to start to realize this, and it’s the best thing that could have happened to this country to this world.

Volunteering is trendy. Philanthropy is sexy. Chivalry has risen. Primal desire is accepted and encouraged. We seek out and prefer destinations where our phones have no reception.

We are terrified for a future where our lives become digitized, yet we’re sort-of pumped for a Zombie Apocalypse?

What does it mean when horror movies become the thing we desire? And... visa versa.

I don't even know what this is, but it looks like glass igloos. I'd choose that over a 5 Star Hotel
in a second. Would you?

Are we moving backwards? Or has the Industrial Revolution just run its course?

Are we pushing for an Emotional Revolution?

Overwhelmed and Under Pressure at the Bottom of the 9th; Monday Extra

I have a lot going on at the moment. We’ve all been there.

I do my best to remain on the ball at all points in time regardless of how much gets thrown my way, but sometimes it really gets to be a lot.

I have a lot on my plate right now, most of which pertains to my day-to-day responsibilities that remain unchanged as I go through an extremely trying time I like to call “The Tail End of the Shit Storm”.

I’m at the bottom of the 9^th with some overwhelming bull-crap that was thrown my way 2 years ago (but really more like 4 years ago). In short, my Ex is a giant dickhead who ate my soul and tore up my life. I kicked him out of my life awhile back and I’ve been fixing his our mess ever since. This month marks the end of it, requiring a next-to-impossible list of commands on my end this month in order to eradicate the last morsel rat-turd of the situation.

It’s stressful, to say the very least, but it helps me to know that it’s almost over.

Bottom of the 9^th I tell  myself, Bottom of the 9^th  Bottom of the 9^th  Bottom of the 9th

Over and over, it gets me through. When I’ve dealt with this much bullshit for 2 whole years, being at the bottom of the 9^th almost seems too good to be true.

It weighs on me either way. My body, mind, and spirit hurt with the ever-presence of dilemma. I fixed it… I’m fixing it, but it’s not over quite yet. The anger that has stewed in my heart for so long now has only a few more days before it can truly be freed, but it seems to feel stronger than ever.

I found out some bad news today about a friend of mine. It had nothing to do with my own personal situation, but I fell apart more for her than I did for myself.  It was as if I had been holding my emotions in a tight little bundle for days upon days, only to have them all explode out of me upon hearing about another person's pain.
Have you ever have one of those moments when you’re lying on the floor a dirty dog bed, crying sobbing wailing uncontrollably and not really caring about what you're actually supposed to be doing? Nothing matters at that point but the fact that you cannot move, you cannot try, you cannot speak. Crying becomes the most important thing in the world, and you let yourself break into pieces. The world goes on without you unchanged, but that’s no longer your concern anyway.

There’s something humbling about laying on the floor embracing sadness and overwhelming stress in a chaotic, cathartic, tantrum-like state. It feels as if there is no future beyond that very moment, that the floor and the sadness that it’s taken on is where you’ll reside for the rest of eternity.

It’s happened to us all, but when we aren’t there we can’t possibly understand why anyone would do such a thing.

And yet we all end up back there now and again, on the floor convulsing in sorrow; clutching a pet, a stuffed animal, a pillow, or even our own shoulders. Letting go of all that hurts while simultaneously basking in it.

And when we snap out of it we feel weak. But is it really weakness, or is it pain leaving the body?

Never be afraid to feel, I tell myself, but when TCB-ing is my chosen MO and stuff needs to get done it’s sometimes required that I set aside designated time to really feel as deeply as I should. 

It hurts. All of it. My own mess, the sorry I feel for my friend, the overwhelming amount of stuff going on right now…. It’s not easy. It’s actually really difficult.

Bottom of the 9^th Bottom of the 9^th Bottom of the 9^th  

Honey runs thicker than vinegar. Hard work and a smile is key.

There’s nothing wrong with blind positivity. There’s plenty wrong with blind negativity.

I got this.

Hip to be Square; Stately Edition

Image courtesy in part by nativegrillandwings.com

Why Colorado is Just… the Bestest!

Ok… this list could easily be a book.

No… an encyclopedia…

But for now, I’m going to keep it at 5.

5 reasons why Colorado is the Absolute Bestest!

                          

                  1. Because Nobody here is Lazy or Boring

              •Forget all you think you know about Colorado and legal weed. We’re not all stoners here. If you come to Colorado thinking that life is just one big black-lit basement, pass-the-dutchy chill-pit, you’ll be sorely disappointed. Most people in Colorado are active, intelligent, motivated, and creatively driven. The average Coloradoan loves the question “What do you do for fun?” because our answers are not only exciting and fun, but they also make us sound really cool.

                “For fun!? Oh I like to go camping and hiking.  I love to be outside! I write a lot. I’m working on like five writing projects all the time. I spend a lot of time hanging out with my dog, oh she’s adorable I’ll show you pictures in a minute. Let’s see, oh I volunteer with a boxer rescue! I have pics of that too! I like to watch sci-fi and I’m addicted to Vlogs like My Drunk Kitchen and Daily Grace. I cook a lot. I love cooking. I can make like… anything! I have pics. I like to visit microbreweries. I’m kind-of a craft beer enthusiast. Oh! And this Spring I’m going to get back into mountain biking! I know exactly which bike I want to get. Do you want to see pics?”

                Ok… maybe it makes us sound more obnoxious than cool, but the fact of the matter is that Colorado is full of interesting people who aspire to enjoy life while moving forward in a variety of different directions.

                You only wish your best friend was as cool as mine!

2.  Because we can take a mini-vacation like… whenever!

On the way back to the car from Ned.
photo circa May 2014

• For real! Sometimes when I’m just sort-of fed up with reality and Suburbia, I’ll pack up my Subi with my dog and a backpack full of water and snacks and head West until I see the lot for Barker Dam. It’s maybe an hour drive to get there (a very pretty drive too) before I take off on foot towards a little happy town called Ned. Yes… we have a town called Ned (Nederland for long). Ned is essentially a different universe altogether from where I live. I like to call it Little Hippy Town, USA.

This is just one example of a million mini-getaways you can experience in less than a day in Colorado. Stanley Hotel, anyone? We can go there for like... lunch.

3. Because Jerkhead Assholes Can’t Handle it Here

•Yea  ok… maybe this one is just a tad bit biased, but maybe not. People in Colorado tend to enjoy positivity and productivity. If you can’t take the heat of taking care of yourself and being good to others and good yourself, Colorado will help to push you in the direction to change all that for the better. If you still refuse to be a positively productive member of society, well…. bye Felicia!

           
                            4. Because this…

                

                  5. Because We see Obstacles as Positive Challenges

•Oh… pit-bulls are illegal in Denver? That's dumb. Let’s start a movement one town over and maybe we'll get the world excited about how adorable and awesome the breed is.

Breed them? Heeellll no! These are pound puppies. Is there any other way?

Oh look, he likes you! Do you want to take him home with you? He’s got mastiff/lab mix paperwork and he wants to keep your kitchen floor spotless furever.

•Rocky Mountain National Park is closed today? Well, then it’s the perfect day to go there! Mount Sherman is closed for the season? Well then, guess where I'll be climbing this weekend!? (< for the record, I don’t necessarily support this, but it’s a thing that people do here regardless. Hey, it’s rebellion in pursuit of exercise and fresh air. Just chillax and let people be awesome.)

•Why is weed illegal everywhere else? I don’t even smoke weed and I think it should be legal. Colorado don’t care. Colorado be like…
“Yea, it ain’t hurting anybody. Let’s just make it legal. Fuck rules. Taxes are awesome.”

Have you heard about our recent tax "problem" by the way? Yea, we have too much tax money. Too much tax money? Apparently that's a thing now and we invented it. 

It's pretty cut-and-dry. Colorado is fucking awesome.

photo circa January 2014
This is how we January!

Why Girls Are Mean to Mean Girls (a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy)

When I started Sarah/Not Sorry, I chose the tagline “Words of Whatnot for the Every Girl”, but lately I feel like I’ve abandon that mentality a bit.

I’m never been here to write about make-up or how I control my curl (you can visit the kickass ladies @ Jenna Marbles or Daily Curlz for that stuff) but I’d like to try and curb my focus back to a written illustration of the female inner monologue. Well, for today I will at least. To be honest, I'm probably going to start swaying back to the weird shit again next Thursday. 
(side note: When people start a sentence with "to be honest" they're usually being deceptive. Which is it? Stay tuned to find out... or don't... whatev')

That being said, I’m also PMSing a bit this week and so I’m a tad bit negative, so I’ve decided to write about something bitchy this week that… every girl… can relate to.

Why Girls are Mean to Mean Girls

a self-fulfilling prophecy

See… I have this “friend”. Let’s call her Hazel. Hazel and I have been “friends” (off and on) for years, and it's mostly always at the discretion of when it’s been convenient for her. See, I’d love to cut her out of my circle altogether, but we have a bazillion mutual friends so cutting her off would be next to impossible.

It’s not that Hazel and I don't have fun together. Hell, I’ve had some of the best days of my life with Hazel at my side! However, the girl has time and time again given me the cold shoulder at a moment’s notice with or without reason, only to come crawling back and begging for attention as soon as she runs everyone else ragged with her whining and complaining and comparing herself to everyone else and… augh, just go away!

And so I tolerate the woman, but as far as being “friends” with her… ha HAH--- nuh-uh, never again. I mean, don’t get me wrong… the next time I see her somewhere (which will probably be soon because Denver is about as close-knit as a Gryffindor scarf) I’ll probably run up to her and give her a big hug. Unless, of course, she happens to read this in the meantime in which case I'll happily let her steer clear of me.

Hey Hazel! How have you been? How was your Christmas?

Oh, it was good! I went to Florida with Kurt!

Oh no way! That’s great. You guys are back on again?

Yea… we got back together right after Halloween.

Nice! So that’s like… right after the last time I saw you.

Ahhh… no wonder she disappeared. Bad friends always put their misters before their sisters.

A bit off subject here but this GIF was too good to pass up. #truth #hint #takenotes
I turned down a friend's ex last month for this very reason

Do I even care if she ends up hating me for any reason either anymore? No. The girl has screwed me over before making me look like the "bad guy" in the matter so many times that at this point there's no reason to even try and keep her at arm's length.

I used to feel contempt for the girl, but after three and a half years of her shit talking behind my and behind everyone else’s backs, putting up with her constantly alternating between blowing up my phone and ignoring my texts, and listening to the following inner monologue over and over again (transcribed below in orange)… I’ve finally decided that Hazel makes a better writing subject than she’s ever been as a friend.

“Why does everyone hate me, Sarah? I’m a good person. I don’t complain. I’m really level headed and easy going. Why does everyone like Sam? She’s like...a boy! She acts like a guy and then wonders why she doesn't have any female friends. And she hates babies! She doesn’t even know how to hold a baby! I’ve been holding babies since I was like… six years old. The only reason she’s friends with me is to get closer to Jon. Jon and I are like…best friends! Jon and I used to used to work together and she knows that. He doesn’t even like her, Sarah. No one likes her! She just wants to fuck Jon and that’s the only reason she wants to hang out with me! She doesn’t even like me! Why does everyone like her? She can’t even cook!
Oh my God, Kurt just texted me! He wants to see me! I gotta go. Byez!”

Bye Felicia! I’ll make sure to ignore your texts the next time your boyfriend dumps you...



Was your Facebook post about me!?
Well it wasn't supposed to be, but if the boot fits.

Tuesday Extra; The Key of She

For this Thursday I've chosen to post a short story I've been working on for the past few months. The story is written in a style I like to call The Key of She.
For today, I'd like to explain (or rather to disclaim) what the Key of She is all about for those who aren't familiar with it.







The Key of She is a style of writing I use when I am being intentionally: (obtuse, over-dramatic, irrational, off-color, delusional, neurotic, ironic, or facetious). I do this for one or more of many reasons:
-stress relief
-entertainment
-because it's fun
-because it's funny
-because it sounds cool
-to try and figure out how I actually feel about something
-to try and explain something I do not understand
-to blow something out of proportion so I can more easily accept it
-because I want to
-because it's my fucking blog and I can do that
-because writers do that

The Key of She can also be any one (or more than one) of the following:
-Something entirely fictional told in a fucked up way
-Something entirely true told in a fucked up way
-Something sort of true told in a fucked up way
-A merging of fantasy and reality told in either a fucked up way or a really cool and fun whimsical way
-An abstract idea I have put into words
-Me being an asshole in word form for the sake of being an asshole in word form
-Something that doesn't make sense for the sake of not making sense, which I wish I could do half as well as well as the late, great Saint Silverstein... Eh-ehm... Shel Silverstein. He was never sainted. <this portion is 2.7% plagiarized from New Girl
-Whatever else I decide belongs in the Key of She



-The Key of She 2015