Cathartic Snowstorms; a somewhat relatable journey in chaotic meter

I like to pretend I'm a gifted poet... (or maybe I'm just being bigheaded again...)

For the following poem, however, I chose to use an inconsistent meter and mismatched rhyme scheme to help illustrate the chaotic nature of the story within.

"The most important rule in writing is to break every rule"
-I think I made up this quote but I'm pretty sure it's been said a fajillion times before...

Cathartic Snowstorms

a somewhat relatable journey in chaotic meter

It was awhile ago that a pile of crap

Made it into my life and consumed me.
I had no choice but to sort it out,
Even though all the odds seemed against me.

Someone who had been close to me
Had created the pile of crap.
And even though that person was gone
Underneath it was where I was trapped.

It sucked. It hurt. It felt like hell.
I convinced myself not to dwell
The trouble I found was not my own doing.
And therefore I thought it would fix itself.

I soon found out that wasn’t the case.
The trouble that found me was my own to face.
It was growing and molding and out of control,
Manifesting itself all over the place.

I was angry, and sad, and out of control.
My efforts were falling into a black hole.
I lost the will to want to try.
The desire to move forward escaped my soul.

And then the other stuff came out,
The bad stuff I told myself to forget.
It all came out as a scream and a shout,
And no one wanted to listen.

And so I let myself fall too.
Into the black hole went my soul of my shoe,
And the soul of my heart and the soul of my mind,
My desire to care went down there too.

Then one day I thought to myself,
I really don’t like this pile of crap.
I wanted it gone, no matter the cost.
It wouldn’t be easy, but I couldn’t stay trapped.

And so on and so on,
I hit the ground running.
I tackled the mess,
Until it almost seemed funny

And then just a few days ago,
At the Bottom of the 9^th
I finished the game,
and I fixed my life.

Did I win? Did I gain?
Did I hit a home run?
Not at all, I just fixed it
Well wasn’t that fun…

I never wanted revenge,

Or to take anyone down.
I just wanted me again,
*And that’s what I’ve found*



Are you in a pickle? Do you feel stuck? Does everything around you just plain suck? 
Has your world become a terrible episode of Looney Tunes? Roger Rabbit? Batman? Daria? Do you feel like no one understands you in this Sick Sad World?

Click here for some musical encouragement by Jimmy Eat World. 
This song has helped to lift my spirits during some pretty trying times. 

It just takes some time. 
Everything will be just fine.

Don't write yourself off yet.
Do your best. Do everything you can.

Don't you worry what their bitter hearts are gonna say.
Live right now. Just be yourself.
It just takes some time. Everything will be just fine. 

2015, the Year That Forgot What Year it Is

May I have your attention please...This post is really weird and was written mostly by my sleep deprived brain this week. If it reads like an anime fan fiction, please be advised that I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Wait… Zoom in on the date on that cheesy looking fake front page paper!

2015? February!?

I’ll let ya’ll in on a secret… I’m from Chicago and a White Sox fan… but I’m secretly/not secretly rooting for the Cubs to win the World Series this year (if you don’t understand this joke then you’re not my friend anymore...)
What the fuck is she talking about!?

Ok ok ok, back to reality. Whoop, there goes gravity.
Shut up, Sarah. Keep yourself together.

Yea okee, that was fun. Now that I have your attention. May I have your attention please! Will the real Nutty Brewnette please stand up!

Seriously, will the real Sarah Brewnette please shut up!

No!

Ok wow… So where was I going before my mind so cleverly escaped me there. Oh yea… 2015… gas is cheap, Missy Elliot, Back to Future jokes, weird weather… yada yada yada. 2015 has just barely begun and has already earned the nickname “The Year that Forgot What Year it is”.

Let’s forget for a second (but not forget at all) that our excessive use and dependence on electronics, burnt petroleum, and aerosols are eating a hole in our ozone layer and melting our icebergs, raising our sea levels, and ultimately leading to June weather in February.

Let’s <not> forget all of that and pretend that my Phenomenon of Misplaced Time is real.

Please just let go for a bit and bear with me on this fantasy. Welcome to my mind, where I make bad things cool by making them into weird stories. My creative inspiration is driven purely by frustration.

If my 2015 Theory of Misplaced Time was actually true, this type of phenomenon could potentially yield terrifying results. On the other hand, this misplaced chain of events is awesome!

It seems like pieces of history are being pulled forward to create the perfect year! But what does it all mean?

I’ve been hearing a lot of complaining lately about our gadgets are too distracting and intrusive. I know I struggle between being addicted to my phone and computer and wanting to run away from them.

I’ve also noticed (and maybe it’s only because I live in Colorado) that the general public seems to be more excited than ever about being outdoors and away from the TV, making things from scratch, crafting, cooking, creating, and homesteading.

Yes, Homesteading? In case no one’s noticed, we’ve relearned the art of coming together and enjoying each other’s company while creating things that are actually useful in our homes.

Baking, cooking, knitting, sewing, crafting, canning, woodworking, refurbishing, gardening, etc…

The rebirth of homesteading could be a direct result of the poor economy. It’s only natural that we learned to make the best of a bad situation by saving money in the form of recreation and comradery. It’s the human way.

However, now that the economy is back on the rise, our re-found love of homesteading seems to remain as “the cool thing to do”. What does it all mean?

To add yet another layer to my Theory of Misplaced Time, it’s become common knowledge by now that there is TOO MUCH CRAP in our food. Too much crap we don’t need and too much crap that is doing us more harm than good. We are pushing for less. Less food, less chemicals, fewer ingredients, less processing, less sugar, less caffeine, less less less! We want our food (even our packaged food as pictured below) to be simpler.

The future of a society can be seen through the food we eat, so what does it mean that we now want less?

It seems as if less really is more nowadays. 

Less! 

Less!

Less!

Does this mean we are becoming more simple minded? No. Quite the contrary actually. 

We want less because we realize we need less. The bad economy did us a solid by helping us to start to realize this, and it’s the best thing that could have happened to this country to this world.

Volunteering is trendy. Philanthropy is sexy. Chivalry has risen. Primal desire is accepted and encouraged. We seek out and prefer destinations where our phones have no reception.

We are terrified for a future where our lives become digitized, yet we’re sort-of pumped for a Zombie Apocalypse?

What does it mean when horror movies become the thing we desire? And... visa versa.

I don't even know what this is, but it looks like glass igloos. I'd choose that over a 5 Star Hotel
in a second. Would you?

Are we moving backwards? Or has the Industrial Revolution just run its course?

Are we pushing for an Emotional Revolution?

Overwhelmed and Under Pressure at the Bottom of the 9th; Monday Extra

I have a lot going on at the moment. We’ve all been there.

I do my best to remain on the ball at all points in time regardless of how much gets thrown my way, but sometimes it really gets to be a lot.

I have a lot on my plate right now, most of which pertains to my day-to-day responsibilities that remain unchanged as I go through an extremely trying time I like to call “The Tail End of the Shit Storm”.

I’m at the bottom of the 9^th with some overwhelming bull-crap that was thrown my way 2 years ago (but really more like 4 years ago). In short, my Ex is a giant dickhead who ate my soul and tore up my life. I kicked him out of my life awhile back and I’ve been fixing his our mess ever since. This month marks the end of it, requiring a next-to-impossible list of commands on my end this month in order to eradicate the last morsel rat-turd of the situation.

It’s stressful, to say the very least, but it helps me to know that it’s almost over.

Bottom of the 9^th I tell  myself, Bottom of the 9^th  Bottom of the 9^th  Bottom of the 9th

Over and over, it gets me through. When I’ve dealt with this much bullshit for 2 whole years, being at the bottom of the 9^th almost seems too good to be true.

It weighs on me either way. My body, mind, and spirit hurt with the ever-presence of dilemma. I fixed it… I’m fixing it, but it’s not over quite yet. The anger that has stewed in my heart for so long now has only a few more days before it can truly be freed, but it seems to feel stronger than ever.

I found out some bad news today about a friend of mine. It had nothing to do with my own personal situation, but I fell apart more for her than I did for myself.  It was as if I had been holding my emotions in a tight little bundle for days upon days, only to have them all explode out of me upon hearing about another person's pain.
Have you ever have one of those moments when you’re lying on the floor a dirty dog bed, crying sobbing wailing uncontrollably and not really caring about what you're actually supposed to be doing? Nothing matters at that point but the fact that you cannot move, you cannot try, you cannot speak. Crying becomes the most important thing in the world, and you let yourself break into pieces. The world goes on without you unchanged, but that’s no longer your concern anyway.

There’s something humbling about laying on the floor embracing sadness and overwhelming stress in a chaotic, cathartic, tantrum-like state. It feels as if there is no future beyond that very moment, that the floor and the sadness that it’s taken on is where you’ll reside for the rest of eternity.

It’s happened to us all, but when we aren’t there we can’t possibly understand why anyone would do such a thing.

And yet we all end up back there now and again, on the floor convulsing in sorrow; clutching a pet, a stuffed animal, a pillow, or even our own shoulders. Letting go of all that hurts while simultaneously basking in it.

And when we snap out of it we feel weak. But is it really weakness, or is it pain leaving the body?

Never be afraid to feel, I tell myself, but when TCB-ing is my chosen MO and stuff needs to get done it’s sometimes required that I set aside designated time to really feel as deeply as I should. 

It hurts. All of it. My own mess, the sorry I feel for my friend, the overwhelming amount of stuff going on right now…. It’s not easy. It’s actually really difficult.

Bottom of the 9^th Bottom of the 9^th Bottom of the 9^th  

Honey runs thicker than vinegar. Hard work and a smile is key.

There’s nothing wrong with blind positivity. There’s plenty wrong with blind negativity.

I got this.

Hip to be Square; Stately Edition

Image courtesy in part by nativegrillandwings.com

Why Colorado is Just… the Bestest!

Ok… this list could easily be a book.

No… an encyclopedia…

But for now, I’m going to keep it at 5.

5 reasons why Colorado is the Absolute Bestest!

                          

                  1. Because Nobody here is Lazy or Boring

              •Forget all you think you know about Colorado and legal weed. We’re not all stoners here. If you come to Colorado thinking that life is just one big black-lit basement, pass-the-dutchy chill-pit, you’ll be sorely disappointed. Most people in Colorado are active, intelligent, motivated, and creatively driven. The average Coloradoan loves the question “What do you do for fun?” because our answers are not only exciting and fun, but they also make us sound really cool.

                “For fun!? Oh I like to go camping and hiking.  I love to be outside! I write a lot. I’m working on like five writing projects all the time. I spend a lot of time hanging out with my dog, oh she’s adorable I’ll show you pictures in a minute. Let’s see, oh I volunteer with a boxer rescue! I have pics of that too! I like to watch sci-fi and I’m addicted to Vlogs like My Drunk Kitchen and Daily Grace. I cook a lot. I love cooking. I can make like… anything! I have pics. I like to visit microbreweries. I’m kind-of a craft beer enthusiast. Oh! And this Spring I’m going to get back into mountain biking! I know exactly which bike I want to get. Do you want to see pics?”

                Ok… maybe it makes us sound more obnoxious than cool, but the fact of the matter is that Colorado is full of interesting people who aspire to enjoy life while moving forward in a variety of different directions.

                You only wish your best friend was as cool as mine!

2.  Because we can take a mini-vacation like… whenever!

On the way back to the car from Ned.
photo circa May 2014

• For real! Sometimes when I’m just sort-of fed up with reality and Suburbia, I’ll pack up my Subi with my dog and a backpack full of water and snacks and head West until I see the lot for Barker Dam. It’s maybe an hour drive to get there (a very pretty drive too) before I take off on foot towards a little happy town called Ned. Yes… we have a town called Ned (Nederland for long). Ned is essentially a different universe altogether from where I live. I like to call it Little Hippy Town, USA.

This is just one example of a million mini-getaways you can experience in less than a day in Colorado. Stanley Hotel, anyone? We can go there for like... lunch.

3. Because Jerkhead Assholes Can’t Handle it Here

•Yea  ok… maybe this one is just a tad bit biased, but maybe not. People in Colorado tend to enjoy positivity and productivity. If you can’t take the heat of taking care of yourself and being good to others and good yourself, Colorado will help to push you in the direction to change all that for the better. If you still refuse to be a positively productive member of society, well…. bye Felicia!

           
                            4. Because this…

                

                  5. Because We see Obstacles as Positive Challenges

•Oh… pit-bulls are illegal in Denver? That's dumb. Let’s start a movement one town over and maybe we'll get the world excited about how adorable and awesome the breed is.

Breed them? Heeellll no! These are pound puppies. Is there any other way?

Oh look, he likes you! Do you want to take him home with you? He’s got mastiff/lab mix paperwork and he wants to keep your kitchen floor spotless furever.

•Rocky Mountain National Park is closed today? Well, then it’s the perfect day to go there! Mount Sherman is closed for the season? Well then, guess where I'll be climbing this weekend!? (< for the record, I don’t necessarily support this, but it’s a thing that people do here regardless. Hey, it’s rebellion in pursuit of exercise and fresh air. Just chillax and let people be awesome.)

•Why is weed illegal everywhere else? I don’t even smoke weed and I think it should be legal. Colorado don’t care. Colorado be like…
“Yea, it ain’t hurting anybody. Let’s just make it legal. Fuck rules. Taxes are awesome.”

Have you heard about our recent tax "problem" by the way? Yea, we have too much tax money. Too much tax money? Apparently that's a thing now and we invented it. 

It's pretty cut-and-dry. Colorado is fucking awesome.

photo circa January 2014
This is how we January!