2015, the Year That Forgot What Year it Is

May I have your attention please...This post is really weird and was written mostly by my sleep deprived brain this week. If it reads like an anime fan fiction, please be advised that I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Wait… Zoom in on the date on that cheesy looking fake front page paper!

2015? February!?

I’ll let ya’ll in on a secret… I’m from Chicago and a White Sox fan… but I’m secretly/not secretly rooting for the Cubs to win the World Series this year (if you don’t understand this joke then you’re not my friend anymore...)
What the fuck is she talking about!?

Ok ok ok, back to reality. Whoop, there goes gravity.
Shut up, Sarah. Keep yourself together.

Yea okee, that was fun. Now that I have your attention. May I have your attention please! Will the real Nutty Brewnette please stand up!

Seriously, will the real Sarah Brewnette please shut up!

No!

Ok wow… So where was I going before my mind so cleverly escaped me there. Oh yea… 2015… gas is cheap, Missy Elliot, Back to Future jokes, weird weather… yada yada yada. 2015 has just barely begun and has already earned the nickname “The Year that Forgot What Year it is”.

Let’s forget for a second (but not forget at all) that our excessive use and dependence on electronics, burnt petroleum, and aerosols are eating a hole in our ozone layer and melting our icebergs, raising our sea levels, and ultimately leading to June weather in February.

Let’s <not> forget all of that and pretend that my Phenomenon of Misplaced Time is real.

Please just let go for a bit and bear with me on this fantasy. Welcome to my mind, where I make bad things cool by making them into weird stories. My creative inspiration is driven purely by frustration.

If my 2015 Theory of Misplaced Time was actually true, this type of phenomenon could potentially yield terrifying results. On the other hand, this misplaced chain of events is awesome!

It seems like pieces of history are being pulled forward to create the perfect year! But what does it all mean?

I’ve been hearing a lot of complaining lately about our gadgets are too distracting and intrusive. I know I struggle between being addicted to my phone and computer and wanting to run away from them.

I’ve also noticed (and maybe it’s only because I live in Colorado) that the general public seems to be more excited than ever about being outdoors and away from the TV, making things from scratch, crafting, cooking, creating, and homesteading.

Yes, Homesteading? In case no one’s noticed, we’ve relearned the art of coming together and enjoying each other’s company while creating things that are actually useful in our homes.

Baking, cooking, knitting, sewing, crafting, canning, woodworking, refurbishing, gardening, etc…

The rebirth of homesteading could be a direct result of the poor economy. It’s only natural that we learned to make the best of a bad situation by saving money in the form of recreation and comradery. It’s the human way.

However, now that the economy is back on the rise, our re-found love of homesteading seems to remain as “the cool thing to do”. What does it all mean?

To add yet another layer to my Theory of Misplaced Time, it’s become common knowledge by now that there is TOO MUCH CRAP in our food. Too much crap we don’t need and too much crap that is doing us more harm than good. We are pushing for less. Less food, less chemicals, fewer ingredients, less processing, less sugar, less caffeine, less less less! We want our food (even our packaged food as pictured below) to be simpler.

The future of a society can be seen through the food we eat, so what does it mean that we now want less?

It seems as if less really is more nowadays. 

Less! 

Less!

Less!

Does this mean we are becoming more simple minded? No. Quite the contrary actually. 

We want less because we realize we need less. The bad economy did us a solid by helping us to start to realize this, and it’s the best thing that could have happened to this country to this world.

Volunteering is trendy. Philanthropy is sexy. Chivalry has risen. Primal desire is accepted and encouraged. We seek out and prefer destinations where our phones have no reception.

We are terrified for a future where our lives become digitized, yet we’re sort-of pumped for a Zombie Apocalypse?

What does it mean when horror movies become the thing we desire? And... visa versa.

I don't even know what this is, but it looks like glass igloos. I'd choose that over a 5 Star Hotel
in a second. Would you?

Are we moving backwards? Or has the Industrial Revolution just run its course?

Are we pushing for an Emotional Revolution?

Overwhelmed and Under Pressure at the Bottom of the 9th; Monday Extra

I have a lot going on at the moment. We’ve all been there.

I do my best to remain on the ball at all points in time regardless of how much gets thrown my way, but sometimes it really gets to be a lot.

I have a lot on my plate right now, most of which pertains to my day-to-day responsibilities that remain unchanged as I go through an extremely trying time I like to call “The Tail End of the Shit Storm”.

I’m at the bottom of the 9^th with some overwhelming bull-crap that was thrown my way 2 years ago (but really more like 4 years ago). In short, my Ex is a giant dickhead who ate my soul and tore up my life. I kicked him out of my life awhile back and I’ve been fixing his our mess ever since. This month marks the end of it, requiring a next-to-impossible list of commands on my end this month in order to eradicate the last morsel rat-turd of the situation.

It’s stressful, to say the very least, but it helps me to know that it’s almost over.

Bottom of the 9^th I tell  myself, Bottom of the 9^th  Bottom of the 9^th  Bottom of the 9th

Over and over, it gets me through. When I’ve dealt with this much bullshit for 2 whole years, being at the bottom of the 9^th almost seems too good to be true.

It weighs on me either way. My body, mind, and spirit hurt with the ever-presence of dilemma. I fixed it… I’m fixing it, but it’s not over quite yet. The anger that has stewed in my heart for so long now has only a few more days before it can truly be freed, but it seems to feel stronger than ever.

I found out some bad news today about a friend of mine. It had nothing to do with my own personal situation, but I fell apart more for her than I did for myself.  It was as if I had been holding my emotions in a tight little bundle for days upon days, only to have them all explode out of me upon hearing about another person's pain.
Have you ever have one of those moments when you’re lying on the floor a dirty dog bed, crying sobbing wailing uncontrollably and not really caring about what you're actually supposed to be doing? Nothing matters at that point but the fact that you cannot move, you cannot try, you cannot speak. Crying becomes the most important thing in the world, and you let yourself break into pieces. The world goes on without you unchanged, but that’s no longer your concern anyway.

There’s something humbling about laying on the floor embracing sadness and overwhelming stress in a chaotic, cathartic, tantrum-like state. It feels as if there is no future beyond that very moment, that the floor and the sadness that it’s taken on is where you’ll reside for the rest of eternity.

It’s happened to us all, but when we aren’t there we can’t possibly understand why anyone would do such a thing.

And yet we all end up back there now and again, on the floor convulsing in sorrow; clutching a pet, a stuffed animal, a pillow, or even our own shoulders. Letting go of all that hurts while simultaneously basking in it.

And when we snap out of it we feel weak. But is it really weakness, or is it pain leaving the body?

Never be afraid to feel, I tell myself, but when TCB-ing is my chosen MO and stuff needs to get done it’s sometimes required that I set aside designated time to really feel as deeply as I should. 

It hurts. All of it. My own mess, the sorry I feel for my friend, the overwhelming amount of stuff going on right now…. It’s not easy. It’s actually really difficult.

Bottom of the 9^th Bottom of the 9^th Bottom of the 9^th  

Honey runs thicker than vinegar. Hard work and a smile is key.

There’s nothing wrong with blind positivity. There’s plenty wrong with blind negativity.

I got this.

Hip to be Square; Stately Edition

Image courtesy in part by nativegrillandwings.com

Why Colorado is Just… the Bestest!

Ok… this list could easily be a book.

No… an encyclopedia…

But for now, I’m going to keep it at 5.

5 reasons why Colorado is the Absolute Bestest!

                          

                  1. Because Nobody here is Lazy or Boring

              •Forget all you think you know about Colorado and legal weed. We’re not all stoners here. If you come to Colorado thinking that life is just one big black-lit basement, pass-the-dutchy chill-pit, you’ll be sorely disappointed. Most people in Colorado are active, intelligent, motivated, and creatively driven. The average Coloradoan loves the question “What do you do for fun?” because our answers are not only exciting and fun, but they also make us sound really cool.

                “For fun!? Oh I like to go camping and hiking.  I love to be outside! I write a lot. I’m working on like five writing projects all the time. I spend a lot of time hanging out with my dog, oh she’s adorable I’ll show you pictures in a minute. Let’s see, oh I volunteer with a boxer rescue! I have pics of that too! I like to watch sci-fi and I’m addicted to Vlogs like My Drunk Kitchen and Daily Grace. I cook a lot. I love cooking. I can make like… anything! I have pics. I like to visit microbreweries. I’m kind-of a craft beer enthusiast. Oh! And this Spring I’m going to get back into mountain biking! I know exactly which bike I want to get. Do you want to see pics?”

                Ok… maybe it makes us sound more obnoxious than cool, but the fact of the matter is that Colorado is full of interesting people who aspire to enjoy life while moving forward in a variety of different directions.

                You only wish your best friend was as cool as mine!

2.  Because we can take a mini-vacation like… whenever!

On the way back to the car from Ned.
photo circa May 2014

• For real! Sometimes when I’m just sort-of fed up with reality and Suburbia, I’ll pack up my Subi with my dog and a backpack full of water and snacks and head West until I see the lot for Barker Dam. It’s maybe an hour drive to get there (a very pretty drive too) before I take off on foot towards a little happy town called Ned. Yes… we have a town called Ned (Nederland for long). Ned is essentially a different universe altogether from where I live. I like to call it Little Hippy Town, USA.

This is just one example of a million mini-getaways you can experience in less than a day in Colorado. Stanley Hotel, anyone? We can go there for like... lunch.

3. Because Jerkhead Assholes Can’t Handle it Here

•Yea  ok… maybe this one is just a tad bit biased, but maybe not. People in Colorado tend to enjoy positivity and productivity. If you can’t take the heat of taking care of yourself and being good to others and good yourself, Colorado will help to push you in the direction to change all that for the better. If you still refuse to be a positively productive member of society, well…. bye Felicia!

           
                            4. Because this…

                

                  5. Because We see Obstacles as Positive Challenges

•Oh… pit-bulls are illegal in Denver? That's dumb. Let’s start a movement one town over and maybe we'll get the world excited about how adorable and awesome the breed is.

Breed them? Heeellll no! These are pound puppies. Is there any other way?

Oh look, he likes you! Do you want to take him home with you? He’s got mastiff/lab mix paperwork and he wants to keep your kitchen floor spotless furever.

•Rocky Mountain National Park is closed today? Well, then it’s the perfect day to go there! Mount Sherman is closed for the season? Well then, guess where I'll be climbing this weekend!? (< for the record, I don’t necessarily support this, but it’s a thing that people do here regardless. Hey, it’s rebellion in pursuit of exercise and fresh air. Just chillax and let people be awesome.)

•Why is weed illegal everywhere else? I don’t even smoke weed and I think it should be legal. Colorado don’t care. Colorado be like…
“Yea, it ain’t hurting anybody. Let’s just make it legal. Fuck rules. Taxes are awesome.”

Have you heard about our recent tax "problem" by the way? Yea, we have too much tax money. Too much tax money? Apparently that's a thing now and we invented it. 

It's pretty cut-and-dry. Colorado is fucking awesome.

photo circa January 2014
This is how we January!

Why Girls Are Mean to Mean Girls (a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy)

When I started Sarah/Not Sorry, I chose the tagline “Words of Whatnot for the Every Girl”, but lately I feel like I’ve abandon that mentality a bit.

I’m never been here to write about make-up or how I control my curl (you can visit the kickass ladies @ Jenna Marbles or Daily Curlz for that stuff) but I’d like to try and curb my focus back to a written illustration of the female inner monologue. Well, for today I will at least. To be honest, I'm probably going to start swaying back to the weird shit again next Thursday. 
(side note: When people start a sentence with "to be honest" they're usually being deceptive. Which is it? Stay tuned to find out... or don't... whatev')

That being said, I’m also PMSing a bit this week and so I’m a tad bit negative, so I’ve decided to write about something bitchy this week that… every girl… can relate to.

Why Girls are Mean to Mean Girls

a self-fulfilling prophecy

See… I have this “friend”. Let’s call her Hazel. Hazel and I have been “friends” (off and on) for years, and it's mostly always at the discretion of when it’s been convenient for her. See, I’d love to cut her out of my circle altogether, but we have a bazillion mutual friends so cutting her off would be next to impossible.

It’s not that Hazel and I don't have fun together. Hell, I’ve had some of the best days of my life with Hazel at my side! However, the girl has time and time again given me the cold shoulder at a moment’s notice with or without reason, only to come crawling back and begging for attention as soon as she runs everyone else ragged with her whining and complaining and comparing herself to everyone else and… augh, just go away!

And so I tolerate the woman, but as far as being “friends” with her… ha HAH--- nuh-uh, never again. I mean, don’t get me wrong… the next time I see her somewhere (which will probably be soon because Denver is about as close-knit as a Gryffindor scarf) I’ll probably run up to her and give her a big hug. Unless, of course, she happens to read this in the meantime in which case I'll happily let her steer clear of me.

Hey Hazel! How have you been? How was your Christmas?

Oh, it was good! I went to Florida with Kurt!

Oh no way! That’s great. You guys are back on again?

Yea… we got back together right after Halloween.

Nice! So that’s like… right after the last time I saw you.

Ahhh… no wonder she disappeared. Bad friends always put their misters before their sisters.

A bit off subject here but this GIF was too good to pass up. #truth #hint #takenotes
I turned down a friend's ex last month for this very reason

Do I even care if she ends up hating me for any reason either anymore? No. The girl has screwed me over before making me look like the "bad guy" in the matter so many times that at this point there's no reason to even try and keep her at arm's length.

I used to feel contempt for the girl, but after three and a half years of her shit talking behind my and behind everyone else’s backs, putting up with her constantly alternating between blowing up my phone and ignoring my texts, and listening to the following inner monologue over and over again (transcribed below in orange)… I’ve finally decided that Hazel makes a better writing subject than she’s ever been as a friend.

“Why does everyone hate me, Sarah? I’m a good person. I don’t complain. I’m really level headed and easy going. Why does everyone like Sam? She’s like...a boy! She acts like a guy and then wonders why she doesn't have any female friends. And she hates babies! She doesn’t even know how to hold a baby! I’ve been holding babies since I was like… six years old. The only reason she’s friends with me is to get closer to Jon. Jon and I are like…best friends! Jon and I used to used to work together and she knows that. He doesn’t even like her, Sarah. No one likes her! She just wants to fuck Jon and that’s the only reason she wants to hang out with me! She doesn’t even like me! Why does everyone like her? She can’t even cook!
Oh my God, Kurt just texted me! He wants to see me! I gotta go. Byez!”

Bye Felicia! I’ll make sure to ignore your texts the next time your boyfriend dumps you...



Was your Facebook post about me!?
Well it wasn't supposed to be, but if the boot fits.

Tuesday Extra; The Key of She

For this Thursday I've chosen to post a short story I've been working on for the past few months. The story is written in a style I like to call The Key of She.
For today, I'd like to explain (or rather to disclaim) what the Key of She is all about for those who aren't familiar with it.







The Key of She is a style of writing I use when I am being intentionally: (obtuse, over-dramatic, irrational, off-color, delusional, neurotic, ironic, or facetious). I do this for one or more of many reasons:
-stress relief
-entertainment
-because it's fun
-because it's funny
-because it sounds cool
-to try and figure out how I actually feel about something
-to try and explain something I do not understand
-to blow something out of proportion so I can more easily accept it
-because I want to
-because it's my fucking blog and I can do that
-because writers do that

The Key of She can also be any one (or more than one) of the following:
-Something entirely fictional told in a fucked up way
-Something entirely true told in a fucked up way
-Something sort of true told in a fucked up way
-A merging of fantasy and reality told in either a fucked up way or a really cool and fun whimsical way
-An abstract idea I have put into words
-Me being an asshole in word form for the sake of being an asshole in word form
-Something that doesn't make sense for the sake of not making sense, which I wish I could do half as well as well as the late, great Saint Silverstein... Eh-ehm... Shel Silverstein. He was never sainted. <this portion is 2.7% plagiarized from New Girl
-Whatever else I decide belongs in the Key of She



-The Key of She 2015

164 Square Feet of Sugar-Coated Chaos

The idea of the Tiny House is great and all. 

Aww look at it. It's so cute!

Cool! I'd love to eat there!

I want one!

I can't even handle this level of adorbs and awesomesauce!

"The whole thing costs $4000"

"Property taxes are $12 a year!"

"Its carbon footprint is smaller than a Toyota Pruis’s!"

"You’ll always keep it clean or else you won’t have room to walk."

And yes, I agree that in theory, the whole thing is just… fucking fantastic… These homes look way awesome. They're just too cool for words. However, I thought about this, and here is why I could never NEVER EVER live in a Tiny House…

Simplicity = Tranquility?
Call me a pitbull in a China Shop, but 4-5 days a week 7-8 days a week… I like to come in from wherever I've been, throw my crap on the coffee table, put on some old skool Blink 182, make myself a cup of tea, and dance like an idiot with an actual pitbull in my living room.
If I did this in a Tiny House… I’d break it. Fuck Tranquility. I find stress management in becoming a one woman mosh-pit.

I made this. You may share it if you like.

♥ Cozy and romantic on cold nights ♥

I’m single at the moment, but in the event that I was in a committed relationship, I would likely end up living with the person at some point down the line. Although, I don’t care how crazy I am about someone, I will never want to spend all my home time in the same room as him!
Omg… GO AWAY! Go make something. I'm writing, stop talking to me. Stop looking at me. You smell. Go wash your stanky ass in the 1 square meter shower-toilet room! GO DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE FOR YOURSELF OR FOR SOCIETY! Augh!!
Cozy and romantic is one thing… but this is real life.

So efficient! Everything has a place.
Yup. So does all the crap in my 500 square foot garage.
I'm sorry... that sounds bitchy and insensitive. Wait... no I'm not. 

But it's so easy to keep organized!

Everything is easy to keep organized... while it's still organized. I organized my closet from top to bottom last weekend. It was perfect. I thought to myself "There's no way I'll ever let it get as messy as it was before. This is simple, mindless, organization. A 2 year old could keep this clean now."

My closet today. This is pretty much exactly how it looked before I organized it 11 days ago. I shudder to think how my tiny house would look.

You’ll want to go outside more often.
I like to be outside. Outside is my favorite place in the world. You know what else I like?
•Not being outside when it’s snowing balls and -1°F outside.
•Sitting on my ass and eating copious amounts of junk food spread out on my double-decker coffee table when I'm ragging and I hate everyone. Leaving my junk food mess until the next morning.
•Making a huge happy mess in my spacious kitchen when I have house guests in town who want to go hiking and I decide to make them bacon, eggs, sweet potato hash with green peppers, red peppers, yellow peppers, orange peppers, and ham, chocolate chip banana walnut breakfast bread, fresh squeezed OJ, hot tea, coffee, and ice cold Brita water. This is all BEFORE we head to the mountains to engage in fantastical outdoor adventures. No one in history has ever had a fun filled day of wilderness adventures without a good breakfast. Everyone knows that.

Aww, but look how cute it is!
Those guys are as big as their house...

Happy New Year, Sleepy Slacker!

Well, I was planning on doing a New Years Resolution post, but my schedule has been jam packed this week and I've also been sleeping a lot. I haven't prepared an entry for today, but considering that two of my resolutions are...

1. To focus on what's important at any given point in time and not always feel so guilty about letting certain things slide occasionally. Life happens. Task at hand. *Relax* and be flawed.

2. Get more sleep.

... I'd say I'm off to a good start!

I wish I could take credit for this epic typo, but I stole this from Google Images as-is. Hahahaha!