Thursday, January 8, 2015

164 Square Feet of Sugar-Coated Chaos

The idea of the Tiny House is great and all. 


Aww look at it. It's so cute!




Cool! I'd love to eat there!


I want one!


I can't even handle this level of adorbs and awesomesauce!



"The whole thing costs $4000"
"Property taxes are $12 a year!"
"Its carbon footprint is smaller than a Toyota Pruis’s!"
"You’ll always keep it clean or else you won’t have room to walk."

And yes, I agree that in theory, the whole thing is just… fucking fantastic… These homes look way awesome. They're just too cool for words. However, I thought about this, and here is why I could never NEVER EVER live in a Tiny House…








Simplicity = Tranquility?
Call me a pitbull in a China Shop, but 4-5 days a week 7-8 days a week… I like to come in from wherever I've been, throw my crap on the coffee table, put on some old skool Blink 182, make myself a cup of tea, and dance like an idiot with an actual pitbull in my living room.
If I did this in a Tiny House… I’d break it. Fuck Tranquility. I find stress management in becoming a one woman mosh-pit.



I made this. You may share it if you like.




Cozy and romantic on cold nights
I’m single at the moment, but in the event that I was in a committed relationship, I would likely end up living with the person at some point down the line. Although, I don’t care how crazy I am about someone, I will never want to spend all my home time in the same room as him!
Omg… GO AWAY! Go make something. I'm writing, stop talking to me. Stop looking at me. You smell. Go wash your stanky ass in the 1 square meter shower-toilet room! GO DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE FOR YOURSELF OR FOR SOCIETY! Augh!!
Cozy and romantic is one thing… but this is real life.



So efficient! Everything has a place.
Yup. So does all the crap in my 500 square foot garage.
I'm sorry... that sounds bitchy and insensitive. Wait... no I'm not. 


But it's so easy to keep organized!
Everything is easy to keep organized... while it's still organized. I organized my closet from top to bottom last weekend. It was perfect. I thought to myself "There's no way I'll ever let it get as messy as it was before. This is simple, mindless, organization. A 2 year old could keep this clean now."

My closet today. This is pretty much exactly how it looked before I organized it 11 days ago. I shudder to think how my tiny house would look.


You’ll want to go outside more often.
I like to be outside. Outside is my favorite place in the world. You know what else I like?
•Not being outside when it’s snowing balls and -1°F outside.
•Sitting on my ass and eating copious amounts of junk food spread out on my double-decker coffee table when I'm ragging and I hate everyone. Leaving my junk food mess until the next morning.
•Making a huge happy mess in my spacious kitchen when I have house guests in town who want to go hiking and I decide to make them bacon, eggs, sweet potato hash with green peppers, red peppers, yellow peppers, orange peppers, and ham, chocolate chip banana walnut breakfast bread, fresh squeezed OJ, hot tea, coffee, and ice cold Brita water. This is all BEFORE we head to the mountains to engage in fantastical outdoor adventures. No one in history has ever had a fun filled day of wilderness adventures without a good breakfast. Everyone knows that.



Aww, but look how cute it is!
Those guys are as big as their house...


Thursday, January 1, 2015

Happy New Year, Sleepy Slacker!

Well, I was planning on doing a New Years Resolution post, but my schedule has been jam packed this week and I've also been sleeping a lot. I haven't prepared an entry for today, but considering that two of my resolutions are...

1. To focus on what's important at any given point in time and not always feel so guilty about letting certain things slide occasionally. Life happens. Task at hand. *Relax* and be flawed.

2. Get more sleep.

... I'd say I'm off to a good start!


I wish I could take credit for this epic typo, but I stole this from Google Images as-is. Hahahaha!

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

I hope you are well. I’ve been keeping busy and I’d like to think I’ve been good this year. I don’t have a chimney this year but I’m sure you’ll be able to manage.







First off, I’d like to thank you for the following gifts you brought me for 2014.

      -Thank you for helping me to find the patience to start taking care and fixing of all that went haywire for me last year

      -Thank you for helping me to utilize my brain power in a more effective and productive way

      -Thank you for my friends, up to and including any and all friends of the K9 variety

      -Thank you for chocolate, bacon, strong black tea, and non-dairy mylk beverages

      -Thank you for helping me to find Me again



Here is what I’d like this year for Christmas (keep in mind that I started drafting this on Sunday the 21st so it won't hit cyberspace until after you make your rounds. I'm sure you'll manage)
    -New tires for my car

      -New running shoes and sexy date-night boots

      -The end of the financial shitstorm created by dat' yucky man who is no longer part of my life

      -One of those immersion blenders and a spiralizer peeler thingy

      -To stop being ignored by the men I actually want to date (seriously wtf is up with this? If I don’t like them they won’t leave me alone. As soon as I do like them they lose interest)

      -Consistent good sleep

      -To have the drive and patience to finish my novel

      -^That^ and also to succeed in working towards publishing it

      -Drive and patience to begin the next novel (ideas are already in the works!)

      -Decreased anxiety and no more gray hairs

      -No more insomnia, allergies, sinus issues, arthritis, or migraines

      -Chocolate, bacon, and strong black tea (you know…as stocking stuffers)

      -For the new Star Wars to be awesome

      -For the 22 dogs at the rescue right now to find homes by early March, and then we take in 22 more dogs they’ll all find homes by June, and then we’ll take in 22 more and they’ll all find homes by September, and everyone will have a furever doggie and everyone will be happy and then all the little animals at Dumb Friends League and Foothills Shelter and all the other shelters in the world will find homes too and then everyone’s heart will turn to gold and everyone will be happy furever and World Peace will ensue.

      -More chocolate, bacon, and strong black tea

      -Gift cards to H&M, Target, Tattered Cover Bookstore, and Common Grounds Coffee House (this is my honest Christmas list… shut up)

      -A giant bag of MnMs (this is in addition to the aforementioned chocolate)

      -To continue to strive towards being me and having the patience to do the things I love and be who I want to be and who I need to be and wake up every day with drive and ambition and motivation to do awesome things for myself and for others and continue to make and participate in super fun and cool things and just generally live an awesomsauce life of creativity and excitement and continue to enjoy the chase and cherish the confusion down my path for Life, the Universe, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Love to you and the Elves and Mrs. Santa’s Sister,

Sarah

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Because it's my Fucking Blog and I Can Do That!






If you can find it that is... teehee

I had an awkward moment today. One of those… awkward moments when…
Actually, it was more of a moment of realization. That moment when I realized
Nah--

That seemingly insignificant moment when I Googled my old pen name, only to realize that my self-initiated alter-ego still somehow has more of an internet presence than my real name does.
At first it made me feel small. Why don’t I have a presence?

Then the reality of the situation hit me. Not only am I SheDevil PsychoBitch… I MADE SheDevil PsychoBitch.
It’s like that movie Kickass, only I’m not famous. Aaaaand... the only life SheDevil ever saved was my own.

People don’t seem to understand what SheDevil stood for. I was very angry about my past when I created her. I was hurting people. I was mean. I was illogical. I was sick. I was depressed. I was sad. I wanted to die. I was self-destructive. I hated my life. I was beginning to hate myself. I was cruel. I was dirty. I was pushed too far. I was ugly. I was empty. I was hopeless.
I was hurting so bad that all I wanted to do was hurt people in return, which made me hurt even more. I had lost the ability to relate to people without being abusive. I had so much anger in my heart that it would seep out all day every day onto everyone around me. I was out of control.

Even if I was good to people in person, I’d be cruel to them in text form. Texting, emailing, writing, Facebook, messaging, etc…
My SheDevil found a way out regardless.

So when my counselor told me to find an outlet for my anger, I knew what I had to do. I gave my anger a name and I gave her a place to shine. I separated her from all other avenues of communication and I let her go hog wild. I let her say and do whatever she wanted as long as she did so as SheDevil Psychobitch and as long as she kept it at she-devil.blogspot.com (this url is no longer in use). SheDevil had a lot to say, even if she didn’t make sense at times. There was so much anger, frustration, and twizted confusion built up in my heart before SheDevil that I could barely function. The day I gave my SheDevil her own space was the day I got my life back.
I would sometimes get a lot of shit for what SheDevil had to write.

Do you know the whole world can see what you’re writing on there?

You know that one entry isn’t scientifically accurate, right?

Is that really how you think?

I have no idea what any of your entries are about. They make zero sense to me.

That happened like a year ago… Why are you still pissed about it?

You need to relax…

You need to get over it…

Is that really what happened? Are you kidding me?!

You know the world isn’t actually a fairy tale, right?

Why would you write those things online!?

I don’t get it. It’s really weird.


My response to these^^^?

Why do you care? You typed it into your web bar. If you don’t like it… don’t read it!

I made a personal choice to separate my angry feelings and occasionally warped view of the world and write about it anonymously and MAKE FUN OF MYSELF on a tiny little website that I started ON MY SMARTPHONE at 3am on a Tuesday morning! And it worked!

Aside from occasionally texting the URL to someone who asked to read it, I never actually asked anyone to read it.
But somehow…
People did!



For some reason, people all over the WORLD started reading what SheDevil had to write.
What I had to write!










And so I kept writing regardless of who may have been reading.
It woke something up in me. It saved my life. I don’t really understand it all, but it changed me for the better.

And to this day, people give me shit about SheDevil, like they think they have a say in it or something.

I saved my sanity and restored my own personal well-being by writing like an asshole on the internet to NOBODY… while simultaneously and unintentionally getting through to people! That’s pretty damn cool if you ask me!

So… NO… I’m not sorry. I’m just Sarah.

I realize now that more people should do what I did. I personally think the whole world should give their inner jackass a place to shine. It's liberating and inspiring and freeing in a way you have to experience to believe. 
I don't think everyone anyone is fully capable of suppressing their inner asshole. 
So let her rip... so to speak...

Music. Art. Painting. Writing. Sports. Dancing...Furniture!?

There are countless ways to convert your inner dickhead.
If anyone cares, tell them to look away. 

Tell them you're not sorry.

- Write on -


Wednesday, December 3, 2014

It's Mad but It's Magic [The Perspective of Luck]

“Tryna tell you Son if it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all”
                         -Ray Charles “If it Wasn’t for Bad Luck” 1969

Ray sings the blues, of course. The blues forces the listener look at the bad stuff in a different light.
Write the blues... and the bad stuff becomes the inspiration.
Sing the blues... and the bad stuff turn into the melody.  
Without the bad stuff (...cheating lovers, broken hearts, being banished from Georgia...) there is no blues.

It’s mad but it’s magic. If bad luck is a magic spell, there are a billion counter-spells to turn it into Good Luck.
In Ray’s case, the counter-spell was music. The Blues thrives on the Bad Luck of the creator. It turns one person's momentary Bad Luck into something amazing that can be enjoyed in a positive way by many.

Ladies and Gentlemen...
Stephen Hawking
.


At every point in history…on every continent… on every planet in every universe and every parallel universe… there are people who have taken their Bad Luck and used it as inspiration to create.

Musicians, authors, painters, playwrights, animators, illustrators, photographers…
Athletes, geniuses, inventors, scientists...



Don’t panic, don’t get cocky, 
and don’t forget to feel. Feelings 
used appropriately spark inspiration. 
Inspiration put into effect is the 
secret ingredient in the counter-curse.


I had a talk with a friend recently about The Perspective of Luck. A lot of this entry is actually based on our conversation. Why do some who seem to have had the most unlucky experiences sometimes end up creating the coolest lives for themselves? Is it just an illusion? Is the grass always greener?
But then, why do some let themselves be consumed by the wrath of Bad Luck and continue to wallow in their own misfortune?

Some of the most complex ideas are actually the most simple. The answer lies in the luck-holder’s perspective. Positivity is key.

“There’s nothing wrong with blind positivity. There’s plenty wrong with blind negativity.”
                                -SheDevil Psychobitch 2013



While blind positivity is certainly a start, it alone does not always induce the magic wormhole that turns Bad Luck into Good Luck. The curse of Bad Luck needs a little extra effort on the luckholder’s part in order to spark the counter-curse.
It’s easy to want to sink into a pit of “oh poor me” when hit with the curse of Bad Luck, but it’s those who become inspired by the curse who break the curse.
As mentioned, there are a billion ways to do this. I can’t tell you (the reader) how to do this for yourself. Everyone has streaks of Bad Luck. Everyone has bad shit happen to them.
Everyone has a different path, a different journey, a different counter-curse.



“Shit happens. Life happens.  Enjoy the chase and cherish the confusion”
                                                -SheDevil Psychobitch 2014


“Write about what makes you anxious until it makes your famous”
-some quote from the “The Carrie Diaries” TV show that I am likely remembering slightly incorrectly but I like it and am quoting regardless because it’s my fucking blog and I can do that



Charles Bukowski "An Almost Made Up Poem"
year of origin unknown
Last year, after months of Bad Luck and the “oh poor me” mentality, I opened up “Confessions of a SheDevil” as a last resort to write-o-babble about what had happened to me. I'm convinced that doing this saved my life at the same time as it catapulted me back into my creative niche.
Did I write myself out of Bad Luck?
I like to think that's exactly what I did.

Maybe it’s magic…

Or maybe it’s just perspective. ;)

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Throwback Thanksgiving

Throwback Thanksgiving!

*27 on 27*

27 seemingly not-so-perfect things that I’m thankful to have experienced.

Some lessons cannot be taught. They have to be lived.

“Sometimes we have to suffer a little so we can truly enjoy life.”  -The Ogre

Rising Phoenix/Shaking Scaredy Cat

When I get knocked down, I don’t stay there long. I pop a can of spinach and I whoop ass!

1• I once watched a stupid teen movie that changed my life.  I used to have a hard time stepping out of my comfort zone and never really had a lot of fun. One day I watched “I Love you Beth Cooper” and realized that I’d never be alive if I wasn’t living.

2• I’ve experienced life from many different shapes.
a.       I was a gangly and skinny child.
b.      In high school I was a lean, muscular athlete.
c.       I developed late and ended up with gigantic tits and a bubble butt my senior year.
d.      In college I put on a lot of weight and was nearly obese.
e.      I took the weight off and became trim and healthy by the age of 24
f.        I went through a fit of morbid depression at the age of 27 and was nearly emaciated.
g.       I’ve since put on some healthy curves while still maintaining an athletic build. I like this shape best.

3• I used to try and denounce my intelligence because I thought it made me uncool. When I decided to take it back in my early 20s I wasn’t taken seriously by my peers. It took years, but those who mattered eventually were able to see that I’m not a dumbshit. I don’t really care anyway if people think I’m dumb or not.

4• When I was 25 I fell out of love with my hometown in the Chicagoland area. I didn’t feel that there was anything left for me there and that my life had hit a dead end. I took a chance and moved 1000 miles away from my friends and family to Denver, Colorado in search of something new. I found it. :)

5• I used to smoke cigarettes… a LOT. There wasn’t a whole lot to do in my home town so we’d all congregate in diners or somebody’s basement and eat pizza and smoke a bunch of cigarettes and weed. By the age of 22, my poor diet and bad habits had more than caught up with me and I felt sick all the time. I felt like hell 24/7 and I truly didn’t believe I’d live past my 25th birthday. My only choice was to turn my life around. I started eating healthy and exercising right away and I quit smoking cigarettes and weed a few years later. It worked!

6• When I was 20 years old I met a man who I thought was the love of my life. 6 years later I ended the relationship as a broke and battered woman with a pile of debt created by that man. In the nearly 2 years since the break-up, I’ve hit rock bottom and been at the lowest, darkest points in my life…. all while busting my ass to try and become the rising-phoenix kick ass woman I’ve always wanted to be. I’m pretty sure I’ve nailed it.

7• I was once guilted into adopting a stray pit bull. I’m so happy I gave in because that dog has become my best friend in the world.

8• I once had a crush on someone and I made a goddamn fool of myself when he denied me. Luckily he’s a good person and he handled it appropriately. It helped me to take a step back and realize that more than one aspect of my behavior at the time needed to be tweaked.


this pretty much sums up our entire friendship





9• I used to make really weird recipes. My mom used to tell me they sounded gross and that I should just make regular food. I’ve since waited tables in 9 different restaurants and have spent countless hours looking through cookbooks and recipe websites. I now make really weird recipes that are fantastic!

10• I’ve always had an insatiable desire to connect unrelated ideas. It used to drive my parents and my friends mad. It seemed like the more stressed I got, the more overactive it would become. I hated that people didn’t get it but I could never denounce my passion for it. Recently, through the help of the interwebs, I’ve realized that there are a world of people who go ape-shit over allegorical creative writing and over the top cross references. I’m now writing an autobiographical fairy tale.

This picture has absolutely no correlation to my novel

11• I was an over-medicated child. The “little white pill for every ache and discomfort” mentality was instilled in me from an early age. I pulled myself out of that life in my early 20s and have learned that most accounts of sickness and discomfort can be treated with lifestyle changes. The only pills I take now are vitamins, dietary supplements, and the occasional ibuprofen or sleep aid. The less medicine I take, the less medicine I end up needing.

12• I’ve lived “50 Shades of Grey”… minus the BDSM… minus the controlling aspect, minus the losing-my-sense-of-self part. …
Okay so it was essentially more like an empowering sex-god fueled journey of self-discovery that took on the unlikely form of a “50 Shades of Grey” parody. Read it HERE

13• I love to make things. Sometimes my desire to make things outweighs my need for the things I make. Sometimes I want to cook something but I don’t have any desire to eat it. Sometimes I want to write something that doesn’t make sense because I like the way it sounds. Sometimes I want to build something even though I know I won’t have room to store it afterwards. I still make things because it makes me happy. It all works out in the end.


14• I’ve been unlucky in love the past two years. I have trust issues after my ex. I’ve incidentally spent the past two years getting to know me for who I am instead of letting myself be defined by someone else. I’m a creative genius and I don’t give a shit if anyone disagrees with that statement.

15• Awhile back I took a second job I knew I didn’t have time for because I had no other choice financially. It was an amazing decision. I have the coolest job in the world and I get to make things everyday.

16• I’m always accidently stealing parts of other writers’ ideas. Everything I write is accidentally exactly 2.7% plagiarized. On the flip side, I’m pretty sure I’m the only person who’s ever written that last sentence.


17• I’m single and living in a state where I don’t have family, so I spend a lot of time by myself. Needless to say, I get lonely sometimes. Although on the extreme plus side, the freedom gives me the opportunity to make and do so many things I’ve always wanted to experience that I was never able to before now.

18• I like to take risks. I like change. I like being confused and not knowing what will happen tomorrow. My dad doesn’t like this about me. He’s always asking me “What if something bad happens?” What my dad forgets is that he is the exact same way. I am my father’s daughter and I’m damn proud of it.

19• I can't sit still for very long. I can't think about one thing for very long. I'm always thinking. I'm always moving. I'm always productive. I'm always creative. I'm always learning.

20• I've had sporadic allergy attacks for years that I couldn't figure out. This past year they got so bad that I had days I wanted to die. One day after a friend's birthday party I woke up super hungover and randomly ate a big handful of granola. My chest and throat immediately closed up on me and I felt like I was going to die right then and there. Luckily I had a jar of cold coffee in the fridge and I grabbed it to neutralize the allergy attack. It worked. I soon made the realization that I might be allergic to oats (a non-common allergen). I cut them out and haven't had an allergy attack like that since.

21• Sometimes I completely lose interest in everything and have no ambition or drive. I used to feel bad about these phases, but now I just embrace the disinterest and let myself be for a while. Sooner rather than later, my passion for life, the universe, and everything always finds its way back to center stage.

22• I thought I was a lesbian for like 3 months one time. I wasn't actually dating girls, but I had absolutely no sex drive for men for awhile and thought that was why. Turns out I just hated my boyfriend. As soon as we broke up my libido for men came back with a vengeance. 

23• Lesbians always think I'm a lesbian, which gets slightly awkward sometimes. On the plus side, I've made some really cool friends who started talking to me because they thought I was gay.

24• Last Spring/Summer I went through a very difficult break-up with a very bad man. THEN I fell down a flight of stairs and obliterated my right wrist and tore up my face. THEN I lost my full-time job. THEN a very good friend from my childhood passed away. I fell apart for awhile. It was devastating. My body, mind, and soul spent a good few months curled up in the fetal position shaking and feeling hopeless. Then one day I got tired of being sad so I picked myself up and I hit the ground running in the Pursuit of Happiness.

25• The last 2 men I've been out with have been insta-clingers. This is a huge turn-off! On the bright side, I've let them both down nicely and on good terms (even though all really wanted to tell them was "GO AWAY!!!!").

26• I have really bad insomnia. There’s no plus side to this one. Insomnia blows.

27• I think nonsense is hilarious. It cracks me up on a whole-nutha-levol. If you don’t understand, then you probably aren’t listening and that’s ok  mission accomplished!





Tuesday, November 25, 2014

The Queen of Typoes



I’m the queen of typos.


I had this exact sentence typed this way in COASD... for a fucking year

I once had a blog called “Life, The Universe, and the Pursit of Happiness”
I had it up for a month before I realized I had spelled pursuit incorrectly.
Actually… I had logged in with the intention of closing it one day when I realized I had it spelled incorrectly.
So I fixed the spelling… and then I closed the blog forever.
Sumtimes I tyep out mye brian stuffs so fast thet I completly fcuk up halve my wordz.
Somtimes I go bak and look lter and ger teally embarrsed by my typoes.
Somtmes I frget add shorter words like the an to
Somtiems I spell and as an. Sometimes I type an for as or is for if.
Wow. That’s really annoying when it’s done over the top that way.

Sometimes I add to many letters to words. I’de deoesn’t
Sometiems it just gets wierd
Thakns!
Sarhah


*click click lcik* 
Faecbook.com

“You’ve just won an IPAD!”
Yea right… shut up. You’ve just earned yourself a virus scan… Computer…

SS Avast 11.17


I thing its funny. I always entitle my screen shots “SS [specific] mm/dd”
I feel liek I’m naming a boat evry time I do.
#ssfacebook1116

I have no idea where this pist is goig. I’m really just having fun seeing where my typing goies when I igmore my “backspace” key and let the typos be unapolgetically themselves.