11 Things NOT To Do at the Grocery Store

As a recovering insomniac, it’s safe to say my sense of imagination that doesn't always make sense. My mind is going gOiNg GoinG with nutty ideas and thoughts every waking hour as is, so one can  only imagine how that would be exacerbated if that started happening 22 waking hours a day…for like a year…

And it did. I went through some personal trauma last year and slept maybe about an hour or two a night for the entirety of 2013. I still don’t sleep great, but it’s a hell of a lot better that it was!

It’s amazing how different the world is when I sleep. It’s like… everything is happier and calmer… yet somehow so much more boring… in a good way. If that doesn't make sense to you then you're probably one of the lucky ones who sleep on a regular basis. J

Some of the things I’d think about during my days of aggressive insomnia were about what I could do to confuse people in public. Even in my altered state of mind, I’d more often than not immediately decide against doing any of these things. Instead I’d laugh aloud about them, often raising stares from people who concluded that I was laughing about them.

I’m not laughing at you, Doofus! I’d laughing at the stupid thing I just made up inside my head!

^I never actually told anyone that^

But I digress…  Here’s a list of hilariously inappropriate and random things to do to confuse people…. @ the grocery store…

Disclaimer: I’d never actually do these things. It’s meant to be funny. Relax…

   1.  Choose a tile color and stick to it. Step only on those tiles. The other tiles are none of your concern.

    2. Fill up a shopping cart with condoms and adult diapers. Leave it in the dairy section.

    3.  Don’t push your cart! Sit in the back and row it around the store with an umbrella. Hey… life’s not easy. I’m sure you can figure out how to do this.

 

    4. Put a bag of MnMs on layaway.

   5. Send a talkative 3 year old to the customer service counter to try and buy lottery tickets.

   6. Ask lots and lots of questions at the deli counter… all pertaining to the TV show “Lost”.

   7. Sample the grapes. Sample an apple. Sample a slice of bread. Sample a donut. Sample a gallon of OJ.

   8. Build castles in the snack aisle with boxes of crackers.

   9. Dance to the sounds of the machinery at the meat counter.

10.  Clip EVERY COUPON in the newspaper that week and place them all underneath the correlating products. You’re WELCOME!

11.When you’re done shopping, pick up all the garbage in the parking lot. Put it all in your cart. Put your cart back in the cart corral. You’re welcome again!