*Cryptic Le Sigh* Feeling: Human

There are some days when it all seems like it's falling apart for no reason. Those days are important. They're there to test us. To see if we can keep it together better than the last time it all fell apart for no reason. We all set goals to better our future...

"Next time this shit happens... Ima' handle it better."

And sometimes we listen.

But sometimes we don't.

Everyone gets depressed. Everyone has off days. Everyone is always recovering from something, and all recoveries have setbacks. 

I've had lots of setbacks in the past few years, and referring back to my own words of whatnot has helped me quite a bit. 

Trying to better myself based on what I've learned from my mistakes becomes easier as time goes on. I know that when my heart gets low, my mind will always become too busy. The synapses inside the right half of my brain will explode and implode in a fajillion different directions and reality will become intricately twizted. Sometimes I let this get the best of me, which has often been difficult to control.

Although, I've recently retaught myself to feel my emotions the way are meant to be felt. For a long time I was discouraged from expressing strong emotions. Someone who was very close to me for a long time would not allow me to express emotion. 

As a result I became even-tempered... outwardly. Inwardly I was always screaming.

And then there were times where I was screaming... all the time... for no good reason. I was angry about nothing and everything all at once. 

It's taken awhile to retrain myself to feel and express proper emotions. 

I've cried twice this week. I felt sad, so I cried. 

It's been too long since that's been able to happen. 

As strange as it sounds, I'm happy with myself that I am able to feel sadness. 

Both. Always both.

But enough about me.

The advice I'd like to put forth is that no one should ever be afraid to feel. 

Feelings guide us. They help us to appropriately transition into the next stage of our journey.

The important thing to remember is that when we feel something, we sometimes have to coach ourselves rationally in order to let our feelings take the appropriate path.

If we are upset with someone's actions, it's important to address the person's actions instead of their character. It's also important to realize that we may also be part of the problem and to consider and address that part where necessary. 

If we are upset with someone's actions, it's also important that we address that person when it comes to confrontation. It may not be easy to "put on a happy face" around everyone else, nor is it necessary to do so. However, pushing misplaced anger on people unrelated to the problem itself is never ok. It's always going to be a struggle (for everybody) to keep negative emotions focused where they aught to be, but it's really the only place where they belong. Once we train ourselves to do this properly, it will soon become evident that it is worth the effort to do so.

If we are upset about something, as we all will be sooner or later, it is important to prioritize what responsibilities are important and also which ones can be temporarily set aside. 

I'll switch back to my own situation now for the sake of example...

Today I felt sad. I felt unimportant. Unwanted. Ugly. Ignorable. Forgettable. Lame. Boring. Ordinary. Dull. Hopeless. Helpless. Worthless. Stupid. Crybaby. Pathetic. Damaged. Broken. Tired. Uninspired. Hurt.

I knew I'd spend the evening curled up in the fetal position feeling sorry for myself. 

Which is exactly what I did...

But... I knew there'd eventually be time for me to do that, and I also knew that I had stuff to do. Important stuff that came first. Stuff that was top priority. Stuff that was unrelated to my reason for feeling negative.

So... I took a deep breath... I did what I had to do. I did it from start to finish.

Some other responsibilities went wayward today, but I accept that I'll have to make up for those in the very near future. 

And so even as I sit here this evening feeling still slightly worthless...

I've realized...
•I focused my negative emotions onlywhere they belong...

•I surveyed my emotions from a well-rounded standpoint and realized where my own insecurities played a part.

•I didn't let my negative emotions leak too much outside the situation at hand (a little... but I'm only human)

•I took care of what I needed to take care of before letting my emotions take hold of me.

•Once I was in the appropriate setting, I let myself feel sad and I let myself express that openly.

•I let myself cry.

And even though it still hurts... a lot...

I know that's ok...

I love Fairly Oddparents

Because it's been way too long since I've handled these types of feelings this way.

I've made a hella lot of mistakes in this field the past few years...
But mistakes are the best way to learn to do things properly. 

Party on ;)

"When the snow melts and the fog lifts, you'll never waiting underneath"

Winter might be on the horizon in Denver, but Winter is just now ending in my heart. 
What a long, strange winter it's been...